From: https://youtube.com/watch?v=POqf3IB-8jg

Context: Throughout this transcript, Bhante Vimalaramsi is the speaker unless otherwise indicated.

[Music]

hello everyone

i hope you've had a good week with lots

of smiles and laughs and

having fun

so this the suta today is called the

kosambians

the kosambian suta

that's number 48.

thus if i heard on one occasion the

blessed one was living at kosami in

gositas park

now on that occasion the monks of

kosambi

had taken to quarreling and brawling

and were in deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

it sounds like that's what's happening

right now with politics a lot doesn't it

they could neither convince each other

nor be convinced by others

they could neither persuade each other

nor be persuaded by others

then a certain monk went to the blessed

one

after paying homage to him sat down at

one side

and informed him of what was happening

then the blessed one addressed us thus

come monk tell the tell these

monks

in my name that the teacher calls

them yes venerable sir

he replied and he went to the monks and

and told them the teacher

calls the venerable ones yes friend they

replied they went to the blessed one

after paying homage to him they sat down

at one side

the blessed one then asked them monks

is it true that you've taken to

quarreling and brought

and are in deep disputes stabbing each

other with verbal

daggers that you can

neither convince each other

nor be convinced by others

that you can neither persuade each other

or be persuaded by others

yes venerable sir they replied

this is what happens when you get an

opinion

about something and you hold

to it no matter what anybody else says

you make it a big deal in your mind and

then

you start stabbing other people with

verbal daggers

and making up gossip

this is a big problem

that

we cause for ourselves by being

over opinionated or

over attached to a particular idea

to be a true buddhist means that we can

be open to what anybody else says or

does

and we can then

if it's about buddhism then we can go to

the sutas and see whether it's correct

or not

but holding on to a view

and not listening to anybody else's and

talking over them or talking at the same

time

is a real problem

and this also happens in marriage

when when there's an argument between

one person and another one tries to talk

over the other

well while the other is talking you

can't hear what anybody says

when that occurs

what you need to do this is something

that uh

keshri damananda he

was actually quite brilliant in a lot of

different ways

and married people would come to him for

counseling and he would say

you can't both talk at the same time

because you know what you said you don't

know what the other person said

and you hold to the view so he said

one person at a time talks

and this takes the

the bite out of arguments

now one of the things that i have a

tendency to tell people is

that if someone is coming to you even

though

it's a family member you

see that they're upset that they're not

happy then you start radiating

compassion

to that person

and then their emotional

attachment will

fade away after a period of time

then you can discuss what the problem is

so this is something about this suit

amongst on one side of the fence they

said

oh there was a break in rules and you're

so dumb because you don't know the rules

and that sort of thing and the others i

said no

we didn't break any rules and and it was

just an argument back and forth

so much so that they were causing a lot

of problems

and they were prob causing the the

people that we

they would go to alms around in some

places and they would get those people

to take their side

and criticize the other side so it was

causing this harmony in the whole

village

this is one of the things that we have

to be very cautious about

monks what do you think when you take to

quarreling and brawling and are in deep

disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

do you on the count of the on that

occasion

maintain acts of loving kindness by body

speech and mind

in public and in private towards your

companions

in the holy life

no venerable sir

so you can see how they were causing

themselves and

others around them suffering

by holding on to a view too tightly

so monks when you take the quarreling

and brawling and are in deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

on that occasion you do not maintain

acts of loving kindness

by body speech and mind in public and in

private towards your companions and the

holy life

misguided men

anytime the buddha says misguided men

that's really a big

slap

what can you possibly know what can you

possibly

see that you take to quarreling and

brawling in r deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

that you can either neither convince

each other

nor be convinced by others that you

can neither persuade each other nor be

persuaded by

others misguided men

that will lead to your harm and

suffering

for a long time

then the blessed one addressed amongst

us

monks there are six memorable

qualities that create love and respect

and conduce to helpfulness

to non-dispute to concord

into unity what are the six

here among maintains bodily acts of

loving kindness both in public

and in private towards his companions

and holy life

this is a memorable quality that creates

love and respect and conduces to

helpfulness

to non-dispute to concord

into unity

that means helping each other physically

and being careful with

your generosity

too many times generosity is considered

only by giving money but it's giving

of yourself to help

other people overcome their suffering

again

among maintains verbal acts of

loving-kindness in public and private

towards his companions in his holy life

this is a memorable quality that creates

love and respect and conduces to

happiness and unity

again monk maintains mental

acts of loving kindness in public and in

private towards his companions in the

holy life

this is a memorable quality that creates

love

and respect and conduces to happiness

and unity

now maintaining mental acts of

loving kindness is also talking about

learning and practicing

forgiveness meditation

it's amazing how many people come

and they start practicing meditation

with me and they have

something that's really deeply ingrained

in

them and they're very unhappy

and they tell me that they can't they

can't even feel

the warm feeling in the center of your

chest they can't radiate that

out they don't have any feeling

what is the cause of that

the cause of that is old

heart-hearted thoughts and feelings that

are wrapped around your heart

now when you radiate that that

loving-kindness feeling

it is radiating whether you can feel it

or not

but what i tell people to do is practice

forgiveness for themselves for making

mistakes

causing themselves and others harm

[Music]

or disquiet or pain

and you forgive yourself for

every thought that pulls you away from

the forgiveness

forgive yourself for your mind for

distracting you

every every human being

has a tendency to be very hard on

themselves

because we place our expectations very

high

and we don't meet those expectations

then then we criticize ourselves

now criticizing yourself one is

unwholesome

that's dwelling on me unwholesome

and it causes a lot of pain

and you keep having repeat thoughts over

and over again

these repeat thoughts are unwholesome

and you're taking them personally and

you criticize yourself

and you i really blew it and i i

shouldn't have done this and why did i

do that

and i should have known better and all

of those kind

of unwholesome thoughts

cause a lot of suffering

and the more you can forgive yourself

and stop criticizing yourself because

you made a mistake

it might be a mistake that only you see

for yourself

nobody else really knows that you you

feel that way

but it keeps this unwholesome nature

over and over again

and it causes us to see the world

through

colored glasses we don't see things

as they actually are

that's a big problem that

stops our happiness

and causes us to get depressed

anxious and critical

so we really need to work with

forgiveness meditation which is part of

loving kindness

and it helps to relieve

that harsh nature that

causes emotional upset

the whole point of learning meditation

is to learn how to have

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a mind that is

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all the time

too many people think that meditation is

only about sitting

but meditation is about living

and the more we can be

soft and accepting

and open

the more

fun there is in life more acceptance

there is in life

we're all going to make mistakes

everybody makes a mistake every now and

then

but that doesn't mean you have to beat

yourself up for it

so this kind of loving kindness towards

yourself

and others

means having a balanced mind that

doesn't get

emotionally upset

with whatever happens

that doesn't mean you can't fix

the a problem

you can solve a problem much faster much

easier

with a balanced mind and trusting your

intuition

too many people ignore their

intuition they don't follow their

intuition

we have so many uh hindrances

and uh

distractions

that are very loud voices in our mind

when an intuition comes we kind of

have a tendency to ignore it

and go on because of our attachment

we go on in the same way

so learn to listen to that quiet

voice that will tell you do this

try this go into this store there's

something that's

going to help you there

but also trust your intuition with your

forgiveness

okay

again a monk uses things in common

with his virtuous companions in the holy

life without making reservations

that means generosity and sharing monks

share everything

from food to

requisites

we take care of each other we are a big

family

so

he shares with them any grain of

kind any gain

of kind that accords with the dhamma

and has it as obtained in that way

that accords with the dhamma

including even contents in his bowl

there is one um

practice that

monks they make a determination that

they're only going to

um eat food that's put in their bowl

this is in in asia where they do a lot

more alms around than they do in america

but after alms around there might be

five or six monks

and we all sit down and eat together

and we know that this monk he only

accepts food that's put into his bowl

but we know that he has certain

likes for different kinds of food

and it makes him happy

so i would take food out of my bowl and

put in his bowl

and then he can eat it because it was

accepted in the bowl

and it gets kind of fun during a meal

time because

we share everything

so

the kinds of generosity that we can

practice one of the highest

kinds of generosity is sharing your food

the buddha said if you saw

the advantage of sharing your food with

others

you would never eat alone

you would always share your food from

from your plate to somebody else's plate

and i had a very good experience with

the

venerable

monindra when he came to

america and he was at the center that i

was

working with

and we would sit down to eat and he was

constantly taking his food off of his

plate and putting it on somebody else's

plate

because he knew they liked it and it got

to be

kind of a tradition while he was there

that we would share the food

and it is fun

especially sharing with somebody that

doesn't have much

again monks dwell in public and in

private

possessing in common with their

companions in the holy life

those virtues unbroken untorn

unblotched unmuddled

liberating commanded by the wise

not misapprehended and conducive

to constant collectedness

now we're talking about keeping the

rules

keeping the rules of monks we have a lot

of them

we have 227 rules

you have five

what this is really talking about is

showing

other people by your actions

that keeping the precepts

is it leads to

a calm mind it leads to a

happy mind and

it makes life more and more exciting

and fun as you keep the the

precepts for longer and longer periods

of time

again among dwells in public and in

private

possessing in common with his companions

in the holy life

that view that is noble emancipating and

leads to practice in accordance with the

complete destruction

of suffering

now one of the things that's a really

kind of a strange phenomenon in america

is that people that practice meditation

they

say they're not supposed to talk to

anybody else about it

you don't talk to people about your

meditation actually

that's a wrong interpretation

monks don't talk to laymen

about their practice

i have a lot of people that

ask me directly are you and are a hot

well i can honestly say no i

am not

but whether i am

an onigami or as octagomi

or a sodapath is none of your business

it's only my business

and i won't talk about where i am

[Music]

with the meditation

for monks if we start talking about

where we are with the meditation it

sounds a little bit

a little bit like bragging

and also

it can cause a lot of misunderstanding

and criticisms and that sort of thing so

we don't discuss that

with laymen but we do talk about it with

other monks

excuse me

but that doesn't mean that laymen can't

discuss

where they are with their practice among

laymen

so it's a very

uh misunderstood form of communication

if you are practicing meditation

and you don't have a

teacher around and you run into a

problem then you go to your

spiritual friends that are doing the

same

kind of practice that you're doing

and discuss it with them they can come

up

with the solutions that you've never

thought of before

and you uh

if if you're at the same level of

meditation

then that can be invaluable for you

to talk with somebody else that has that

same

level of understanding

and it's very easy to solve

questions it's very easy

to uh discuss

and you can get into some absolutely

wonderful

discussions on

well what did you think the buddha said

about this

here in the suit it says this but in the

suit that says that

how how can you

find out common thread

so dominant discussions are very good

and

questions of course

like last week i told you about

if you don't ask questions you're going

to be reborn

stupid and when you ask a lot of

questions you're going to be

reborn very intelligent and wise

so any questions that you have

talk to your spiritual friend or talk to

a teacher

don't be shy

that's one of the things that was very

difficult for me

and

[Music]

when i was in malaysia when i was mostly

teaching chinese

and they are taught from the very very

beginning

of their life never to question

don't ask questions

and as a result they get very confused

and trying to get them to talk about

what the real problem is is difficult

sometimes it takes a long time

well one of the things about keeping

your precepts

that's very important

is if you have a hindrance say fear

that is constantly coming up or

anxiety you can't sit still

you always have to be moving

if this sort of thing starts to happen

it's good to talk to your

friend spiritual friend or teacher

now the nature of keeping things quiet

of not telling somebody of

keeping secrets

means that you have a very strong

attachment and

it's blocking you're going deeper into

the meditation

one of the definitions of an arahat is

someone that has

no secrets

there's no attachment there's no craving

secrets cloud the way you see the world

letting go of those secrets telling just

one other person that secret

will clear your mind

it's no longer a secret

so you've let go of the attachment

sometimes this can be very difficult

there was one lady that

she was going through a very difficult

time in her life

and she had a secret and i kept on

asking her what

what what is your secret why why aren't

you telling me this

and finally

pulled out of her i guess that's a wrong

way to describe it but i

convinced her to tell me what her secret

was

and her secret was

that she was gambling on the internet

and she was losing a lot of money and

she felt very very guilty for that

and she was she she is sweating on her

brow

and she was it was very very difficult

for her

to confess to something like that

once she did i told her

of course well

don't get on the internet and do that

sort of thing anymore don't

don't get caught up in gambling

and

[Music]

immediately her life became much better

because she

let go of that secret

so keeping

secrets keeping things real private that

you might have done that

they might not even be that big a deal

but in your

mind you made it a big deal

and you might be really embarrassed

because of

that and you then you don't want to tell

anybody about it

but when you do there's a big burden

that's taken off your mind and you start

seeing

things more clearly

so these are the six

memorable qualities that create love and

respect and conduce to helpfulness

to non-dispute to concord and to unity

of these six memorable qualities the

highest

and most comprehensive

the most conclusive

in this view is the noble

emancipating and leading one

to one who practices

in accordance with the complete

destruction

of suffering

just as the highest and most

comprehensive

the most conclusive part

of a pinnacle building

is the pinnacle itself so

to these six memorable

qualities are the highest

in this view that the noble ones

talk about emancipating

and how does this view that is noble and

emancipating

lead to one who practices in accordance

with the complete

destruction of suffering

here monk gone to the forest or to the

root of a tree or an empty hut

considers thus is there

any obsession i'm abandoned by myself

that might so

obsess my mind

that i cannot know and see things as

they

actually are obsess

your mind think about it a lot

get caught in it a lot

keep having repeat thoughts about

that obsession

if a monk is obsessed with sensual lust

then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed by ill will

then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed with sloth and torpor

then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed with restlessness and

remorse then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed by doubt then his

mind is obsessed being obsessed with any

of the five

hindrances is being obsessed

it means guilty feeling

taking it personally and it can come

from

a long time ago in your early life or

even before that

in other lives

we have these old habitual tendencies

when we recognize them as being

obsessed

then we need to work with the

forgiveness to

let go of that obsession

if a monk is absorbed in speculation

about this world

then his mind is obsessed

if a monk is absorbed in speculation

about other worlds

then his mind is obsessed

if a monk takes to quarreling and

brawling

and in deep disputes stabbing each other

with verbal daggers

then his mind is obsessed

that means you let go of your thinking

and observing mind

and just go back over the same old stuff

over and over again

he understands thus there's

no obsession on abandon in myself that

might

obsess my mind that i cannot know and

see

things as they actually are

my mind is well disposed for awakening

to truths

this is the first knowledge attained by

him that is

noble supramundane

not shared by ordinary people

again a noble disciple

considers thus when i

pursue develop and cultivate this view

do i personally obtain serenity

do i personally obtain quenching

letting go relief

is what is talking about here

he understands when i pursue

develop and cultivate this view

i personally obtain serenity

i personally obtain quenching

this is the second knowledge attained by

him

that is noble supramundane

mundane means beyond the mundane

mundane means everyday life

super mundane means the spiritual life

again a noble disciple considers thus

is there any other recluse or brahman

outside the buddha's dispensation

possess of a view such as i possess

why is that such a big statement

a view that only the buddhists

really work towards them and obtain

it is because of the seeing the

impersonal nature of everything

not taking things personally

now when you when you do that you are

leading the spiritual life

at that time

when you recognize that you're holding

on to

a view that has anger

or restlessness in it

and you see how much it

causes you pain and you use the six

hours and

let it go there's great relief in that

he understands thus there's no other

recluse or brahman

outside the buddha's dispensation

possessed of this view

it's all very confusing because a lot of

people

really have a belief in a permanent soul

permanent self

they're looking for something that's

always permanent

and everything is in the state of change

and seeing the impersonal nature of that

there is great relief

and your mind becomes very peaceful and

calm

when you recognize that

this is the third knowledge obtained by

him

that is noble super mundane not shared

by

ordinary people again a noble disciple

considers this

do i possess the character of a person

who possesses right view what is the

character of a person who possesses

right view

this is the character of a person who

possesses right view

although he may commit some kind of

offense

break a precept

for which a means of rehabilitation

has been laid down the rehabilitation

is letting go of the secrets

telling a spiritual friend or a teacher

so that you can let go of that guilty

feeling

still he at once confesses reveals

and discloses it to a teacher or a wise

companion in the holy life

and having done that he enters upon

restraint for the future

i've told a lot of people about this

[Music]

forgive yourself for making a mistake if

there's no

spiritual friend or teacher around

[Music]

take the precepts again

and make a strong determination that

you're not going to do that

in the future

just as a young tender infant lying

prone

at at once draws back when he puts his

hand

or foot in a fire or a live

coal so too that is the character of a

person who possesses right view

breaking a precept causes guilty feeling

and it will keep coming up i

shouldn't have said that i shouldn't

have done that

it'll keep coming up until you let go of

that secret

of having done that

he understands thus

i possess the character of a person who

possesses

right view this is the fourth knowledge

attained by him that is noble

super mundane not shared by ordinary

people again a noble disciple

considers thus do i possess

the character of a person who possesses

right view

what is the character of a person who

possesses right view

this is the character of a person who

possesses right view

although he may be active in various

matters for his companions and the holy

life

yet he has a keen

regard for training in the higher

virtue training in the higher mind

training in the higher wisdom

always

thinking and training yourself so you

can see

how dependent origination works

how lovingkindness works

how any of the brahmaviharas work

always being aware of what you're doing

before you do it

when you keep the precepts over a period

of time you start seeing that

much more clearly and then you have to

make a choice whether you're going to

break that precept or not

hopefully you won't break the previous

set but if you

happen to you're going to have the

guilty mind and it's going to come back

at you with your meditation it's going

to come back

and cause you all kinds of problems

just as a cow with a new calf

while she gazes watches her calves so

too

that is the character of a person who

possesses right view

that means being aware what you're doing

while you're doing it

he understands this i possess the

character of a person

who possesses right view this is the

fifth knowledge attained by him that is

noble

super mundane not shared by ordinary

people

again a noble disciple considers this

i do possess do do i

possess strength of a person

who possesses right view

what is the strength of a person who

possesses right view

this is the strength of a person who

possesses

right view when the dhamma and

discipline

proclaimed by the tatakata

[Music]

is being taught he heeds it

gives it attention

engages it with all his mind

hears the dhamma as

with eager ears

oh listening to the dhamma i i know that

some people they say well i'm gonna

i have this project i have to do and

i'll just turn on the dom and talk

and listen to the dhamma talk while i'm

doing that

well that does not really give you much

benefit

the way you listen to a dhamma talk with

high respect and only listen to

the dhamma don't be doing

other things i know that sometimes

people they like to listen to the

dhamma while they're preparing a meal or

cooking

or doing a hobby or whatever

they they get very little advantage

of doing this

it's when you sit down

give it high respect and listen

completely only listening

he understands thus i possess the

strength of a person who possesses right

view

this is the sixth knowledge attained by

him that

is noble super mundane not shared by

ordinary people

again a noble disciple considers us

do i possess the strength of a person

who possesses right view

what is the strength of a person who

possesses right view

this is the strength of a person who

possesses right view

when the dhamma and discipline

proclaimed by the tatakata is being

taught

he gains inspiration

in the meaning

inspiration in the dhamma

gains gladness connected with the dhamma

when you listen very attentively

to a dhamma talk especially if it's read

to you

from the suttas

you can you can be really happy

because your understanding is improved

every time you're attentive with a

dhamma talk

i listen to a lot of domino talks i

give a lot of dhamma talks

and there are some people that can even

attain the become a sotapanna

by just listening and understanding

what is being said by

listening and readjusting

your

observations and perspective

just by listening to the dhamma talks

he understands this i possess the

strength of a person

who possesses right view this

is the seventh knowledge attained by him

that is noble

super mundane not shared by ordinary

people

when this noble disciple is thus

possessed of seven factors

he has well sought the character

for realization of the fruit

of stream entry

when an adult and a noble disciple is

thus possessed of these seven

factors he possesses the fruit of

stream entry

that's what the blessed one said

the monks were satisfied and delighted

in the blessed one's words

i particularly like this suta

because it it it spills out

what to do in case there is disagreement

between people

and how to handle that with loving

kindness

with loving-kindness in body speech and

mind

not letting your mind run off and think

about this and that and how this person

is wrong

and they shouldn't say this and how

they're trying to cause

problems and all of that

when you take the time to radiate

loving kindness to those people

eventually they will

[Music]

be more easily communicated with

one of the interesting things joseph

still

joseph goldstein was telling about a

story

when he was with menindra in india

and there was this guy that was

extremely

rude to everybody that came around him

he always had something nasty to say

except when he saw

menindra

he was always very kind and loving

and soft-spoken around menindra

so joseph asked him one day why

is he like that to you and everybody

else he's really nasty

what is it that you have that nobody

else has

and menendra told him that he's been

spending

some period of time radiating loving

kindness to him every time he thought

about him every time he had

any dealings with him the man sold

peanuts

that was the way he made his living

but he was always so nasty to people he

didn't have many customers

but when more and more people started

hearing about menindra

and what he was doing

the man became more and more

able to communicate in nice ways

without being offensive

and he actually began to

prosper more and more as he calmed down

because menindra was telling other

people how to

how to act around

this offensive man

before long he had a reputation this man

had a reputation of being

kind and gentle and it all started

with menindra

not believing that nastiness

not getting upset by his

[Music]

verbal attacks

but having compassion for that man

and other people seeing him as the

example

found out what he was doing and they

started doing that

and that changed that man's attitude

he still had his moments of

dissatisfaction and dislike but they

were less and less

and his offensiveness became less and

less

this is how you become an example

to the world around you

by remembering to radiate loving

kindness

to people that are especially

nasty

and problematic

don't take it personally because there's

nothing in the world that's personal

radiate loving kindness and compassion

to as many people as you possibly can in

the day

and by your example

other people will follow that example

and that's how we change the world

around us in a positive way

so i've been talking for a while

[Music]

do any of you have any questions

either about your practice or just

general

questions

even though i tell you that if you don't

ask questions you're going to wind up

stupid

it doesn't seem to matter

that's what you're going to get for

yourself fine you can do that

i have a question please oh please do

um i'm encountering a lot of

restlessness okay and i can hardly sit

still and i cannot

sometimes not sleep at night because i'm

so restless

and i'm trying to let it go but it is

okay

here's what i want you to do i want you

to ask yourself

what is the cause of the restlessness

you ask yourself that while you're

sitting

okay and your intuition will come and

tell you

what the problem is then you can

adjust and you won't have so much

problem with

restlessness after that

okay trust your intuition

[Music]

and it might be that you need to

switch your meditation from

lovingkindness over to forgiveness

and forgive yourself for making mistakes

and things like that

but first try with your intuition to see

what your intuition says

okay okay

[Music]

and let me know how it goes

okay thank you okay

anybody else

yeah it's okay um

yes regarding forgive the temptation

i do it if something comes up during

meditation i find it

very effective and very helpful would it

be

perhaps a good idea just to

maybe set aside a separate meditation

even if i'm not feeling something

in needs of forgiving just sort of a

cultivation of forgiveness

meditation if that makes sense

i'll tell you one of the things is very

helpful to me

i would always have

[Music]

some kind of fantastic idea that i

needed to think about and consider while

i was sitting in meditation

and i

i put a red flag on it and told myself i

don't need to think about it right now

it can come up later when i'm not

sitting

and it it worked

now as far as

the doing the forgiveness the fastest

way to do forgiveness

is to only do forgiveness

okay let go of any other practice that

you're doing

and just stay with the forgiveness

that's the fastest way to

overcome these kind of things

and don't get caught up in the story

of why you need to forgive

or what that other person did to cause

that problem

don't get caught up in the story

your job is just to stay with i forgive

you for causing me pain or i forgive

myself for causing the pain

okay or i for i

forgive myself for not understanding

there's a lot of the problems that we

have we didn't understand

the whole problem we just reacted to

whatever it was and we have to forgive

ourselves for

that okay

did that help

very much yes thank you okay good

that makes me happy

i have a question please auntie

nice to see you um

i've um been continuing to do

forgiveness meditation

um pretty well non-stop and i do it

through the day

it's really changed my life and my heart

um and i'm i'm finding that um

i'm trying to forget i have some couple

very difficult

family members like it's just very

abusive very very different

and i find that i

i just don't feel i can deal with them

and i'm

just continuously forgiving myself for

not being able to respond

for not being able to do the right thing

to help them to and i and and i've just

let go of trying to change the other

person completely

and just i just keep finding that all

i'm doing is forgiving myself

i i don't feel like i can't forgive them

they're just themselves it's nothing to

do with me

i'll tell you a story

that might help okay

i had a student that when she was 16

her father committed suicide it was from

a very

rich family and right after he committed

suicide

the uncle stole the family fortune

now cut back

another 35 years and she comes and she

starts practicing meditation with me and

she told me about the situation and how

she hates her

uncle so i told her

that she needed to start forgiving

and she did and

she felt a lot of relief

and when she got home after the retreat

one of the first things that happened

was her uncle

who had stole the family fortune

called her up

and asked her to forgive him

for doing that

now all she did was forgive him for

causing that much pain

and when he called up and asked her to

forgive him

then they worked out a lot of the

problems that they'd had with each other

you're not trying to change somebody

else by forgiving

them what you're doing

is changing your perspective of them

how do you do it without having

the little hook there you see them in

your mind's eye

and you say i forgive you for causing

this pain

i forgive you for not understanding

don't get into the story

just keep your mind

unforgiving

so there's just a little thing there i'm

sorry i'm interrupting you i don't want

to do that

as as you forgive them

[Music]

you're opening up your perspective of

them

and that allows them the space

to change

right now when you when you have

non-forgiveness

when you have this uh grudge

you always think of them in the same way

[Music]

okay now with the forgiveness this means

acceptance you stop thinking of them

in that way and your psychic

energy changes towards

them and that allows us that allows them

to change it might not be the change you

necessarily would like to see but

it allows them the space

to change

and eventually there will be some

relief in that i know i've done that and

it's really been powerful with another

family member

um and that's it's connected with the

other

person and and it's been powerful

there's been big movement just in the

last few weeks

but i i very the difficulty is for me

hearing that story and thinking

oh if i do this i'll get something out

of it

i you know i'll get what i want from it

you have to wait and see what you're

gonna get you don't know you can't tell

the future

i know but i do have a way you don't

know when it's gonna happen or how it's

gonna happen

but there will be some lightening

of the feeling towards them

i just have to trust that and have a lot

of patience

man that's magnificent

thank you bees continue on with

i have to there's nothing else i can do

right

there will be relief i promise you

at some point i don't know when it's

going to happen it depends on your

attachment to them

and what they say and their attachment

to you there's

a complicated mess but it's a simple

solution

okay thank you okay

i love your smile

very good uh thanks to you everybody's

saying oh you're smiling all the time

looks good that makes me happy

it feels better all

life becomes more fun

anybody else have a question yes thank

you bonte for your talk

um thank you for your demo talk i have a

question about practice is it okay to

um start off your daily practice with

forgiveness meditation

and then let it move to meta

no um do one thing at a time

if you want to do forgiveness stay with

forgiveness until you feel

relief then when you go back to meta

your meta is going to be really strong

because this is a form of matter

right okay just

one thing at a time that way you won't

get confused and jump from one thing to

the other when it gets tough

and that sort of thing you got to stick

with it

okay thank you that's helpful you're

welcome

any other questions hello

hello hi yes uh nice to have you

yeah every week yeah i have also like um

one uh

uh uh actually uh more than one is

several like

previous uh uh

actions or deeds that that was when i

was in

previous years that was obviously a

breaking precepts and that keep coming

back

some scenario when even though when i

was very young i remember certain things

that i did

right now i know it is very very bad you

know like

and then over the years um that means i

still have to do a lot of forgiveness

right because

that scenario is from time to time

[Music]

you have to give it until you

accept it and say okay i did that

it's gone now i feel

relief and it will stop

coming back to you it keeps repeating

itself because of your

attachment to it

so that means you know

don't get involved in the story

of how it happened why it happened we

don't care about that all you have to do

is forgive yourself for doing it

forgive yourself because you made a

mistake you've learned from the mistake

you're not going to do that again right

so forgive yourself

but just stay with the forgiveness

the story about why and how and all of

this stuff

is already gone it's passed

you don't have to repeat it you know

what happened

what you need to do is just stay with

the forgiveness

okay um so okay um

[Music]

i i actually practice uh like several

times and i feel relief but still there

is

like other scenarios like for some

scenarios

even though for the biggest hindrance

that i think i have

i was able to see myself overcome even

though

i mean even through a very uh like

direct practice of like

talking to those persons that we have

have problems with directly which i

was feeling fake reliefs but then uh

with some other people or some other

things and scenarios in the previous

older days which i wasn't had chance to

close it that still comes up that means

i still need

more forgiveness to myself

you have to keep forgiving until you

feel

relief

when you feel really you're not dead

your mind will tell you

well i don't have to do that anymore now

i really

did forgive

see the whole thing with forgiveness of

repeating the statements

over and over and over again is convince

your mind that you're being serious with

it and you want to let go of that

attachment

that's what forgiveness is it's

repeating it until you convince yourself

that you can let that go you can let the

that guilty feeling go you can let that

pain go you still

will have memory of what happened in the

past but the pain won't be there

anymore that's forgiveness

and that is extremely powerful

i can still continue on matter right if

i feel like that

uh after the forgiveness the other like

sitting or the other next day

which i can see myself in a mole

or mood that um there is

do one thing at a time only do one thing

don't do the method the forgiveness

is a kind of meta stay with that until

you're done with it

okay okay let's go over there

the metal will be there whenever you get

done with the forgiveness

it'll be there stronger and easier

but we want to wrap up understand

hard-hearted feelings around your heart

we want to let those feelings go

so they don't bother you anymore

okay thank you pante thank you

okay smile

anybody else with the question

no no i have one more question

i would just want to say that i know

that i have this restlessness

um ever since i can remember

even as a child it has always been there

but now it's strong

well don't get over concerned with it

don't turn it into a big deal

just forgive it for being there

okay that can be from something that

occurred in a past lifetime who knows

but you it the forgiveness works

okay when you clear it up here in the

present it won't come back to bother you

from the past

okay even if i don't know what it is

even if you don't know what it is just

forgive yourself for not understanding

then let's share some merit

may suffering ones be suffering free

and the fear struck fearless be

may the grieving shed all grief and may

all beings find relief

may all beings share this merit that

we've thus

acquired for the acquisition of all

kinds of happiness

may beings inhabiting space centers

devas and nagas of mighty powers shared

in

this merit of ours may they long

protect the buddha's dispensation

so i wish you all a very happy week

and i'll see you next sunday

thank you have a good day day

you

[Music]

hello everyone

i hope you've had a good week with lots

of smiles and laughs and

having fun

so this the suta today is called the

kosambians

the kosambian suta

that's number 48.

thus if i heard on one occasion the

blessed one was living at kosami in

gositas park

now on that occasion the monks of

kosambi

had taken to quarreling and brawling

and were in deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

it sounds like that's what's happening

right now with politics a lot doesn't it

they could neither convince each other

nor be convinced by others

they could neither persuade each other

nor be persuaded by others

then a certain monk went to the blessed

one

after paying homage to him sat down at

one side

and informed him of what was happening

then the blessed one addressed us thus

come monk tell the tell these

monks

in my name that the teacher calls

them yes venerable sir

he replied and he went to the monks and

and told them the teacher

calls the venerable ones yes friend they

replied they went to the blessed one

after paying homage to him they sat down

at one side

the blessed one then asked them monks

is it true that you've taken to

quarreling and brought

and are in deep disputes stabbing each

other with verbal

daggers that you can

neither convince each other

nor be convinced by others

that you can neither persuade each other

or be persuaded by others

yes venerable sir they replied

this is what happens when you get an

opinion

about something and you hold

to it no matter what anybody else says

you make it a big deal in your mind and

then

you start stabbing other people with

verbal daggers

and making up gossip

this is a big problem

that

we cause for ourselves by being

over opinionated or

over attached to a particular idea

to be a true buddhist means that we can

be open to what anybody else says or

does

and we can then

if it's about buddhism then we can go to

the sutas and see whether it's correct

or not

but holding on to a view

and not listening to anybody else's and

talking over them or talking at the same

time

is a real problem

and this also happens in marriage

when when there's an argument between

one person and another one tries to talk

over the other

well while the other is talking you

can't hear what anybody says

when that occurs

what you need to do this is something

that uh

keshri damananda he

was actually quite brilliant in a lot of

different ways

and married people would come to him for

counseling and he would say

you can't both talk at the same time

because you know what you said you don't

know what the other person said

and you hold to the view so he said

one person at a time talks

and this takes the

the bite out of arguments

now one of the things that i have a

tendency to tell people is

that if someone is coming to you even

though

it's a family member you

see that they're upset that they're not

happy then you start radiating

compassion

to that person

and then their emotional

attachment will

fade away after a period of time

then you can discuss what the problem is

so this is something about this suit

amongst on one side of the fence they

said

oh there was a break in rules and you're

so dumb because you don't know the rules

and that sort of thing and the others i

said no

we didn't break any rules and and it was

just an argument back and forth

so much so that they were causing a lot

of problems

and they were prob causing the the

people that we

they would go to alms around in some

places and they would get those people

to take their side

and criticize the other side so it was

causing this harmony in the whole

village

this is one of the things that we have

to be very cautious about

monks what do you think when you take to

quarreling and brawling and are in deep

disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

do you on the count of the on that

occasion

maintain acts of loving kindness by body

speech and mind

in public and in private towards your

companions

in the holy life

no venerable sir

so you can see how they were causing

themselves and

others around them suffering

by holding on to a view too tightly

so monks when you take the quarreling

and brawling and are in deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

on that occasion you do not maintain

acts of loving kindness

by body speech and mind in public and in

private towards your companions and the

holy life

misguided men

anytime the buddha says misguided men

that's really a big

slap

what can you possibly know what can you

possibly

see that you take to quarreling and

brawling in r deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

that you can either neither convince

each other

nor be convinced by others that you

can neither persuade each other nor be

persuaded by

others misguided men

that will lead to your harm and

suffering

for a long time

then the blessed one addressed amongst

us

monks there are six memorable

qualities that create love and respect

and conduce to helpfulness

to non-dispute to concord

into unity what are the six

here among maintains bodily acts of

loving kindness both in public

and in private towards his companions

and holy life

this is a memorable quality that creates

love and respect and conduces to

helpfulness

to non-dispute to concord

into unity

that means helping each other physically

and being careful with

your generosity

too many times generosity is considered

only by giving money but it's giving

of yourself to help

other people overcome their suffering

again

among maintains verbal acts of

loving-kindness in public and private

towards his companions in his holy life

this is a memorable quality that creates

love and respect and conduces to

happiness and unity

again monk maintains mental

acts of loving kindness in public and in

private towards his companions in the

holy life

this is a memorable quality that creates

love

and respect and conduces to happiness

and unity

now maintaining mental acts of

loving kindness is also talking about

learning and practicing

forgiveness meditation

it's amazing how many people come

and they start practicing meditation

with me and they have

something that's really deeply ingrained

in

them and they're very unhappy

and they tell me that they can't they

can't even feel

the warm feeling in the center of your

chest they can't radiate that

out they don't have any feeling

what is the cause of that

the cause of that is old

heart-hearted thoughts and feelings that

are wrapped around your heart

now when you radiate that that

loving-kindness feeling

it is radiating whether you can feel it

or not

but what i tell people to do is practice

forgiveness for themselves for making

mistakes

causing themselves and others harm

[Music]

or disquiet or pain

and you forgive yourself for

every thought that pulls you away from

the forgiveness

forgive yourself for your mind for

distracting you

every every human being

has a tendency to be very hard on

themselves

because we place our expectations very

high

and we don't meet those expectations

then then we criticize ourselves

now criticizing yourself one is

unwholesome

that's dwelling on me unwholesome

and it causes a lot of pain

and you keep having repeat thoughts over

and over again

these repeat thoughts are unwholesome

and you're taking them personally and

you criticize yourself

and you i really blew it and i i

shouldn't have done this and why did i

do that

and i should have known better and all

of those kind

of unwholesome thoughts

cause a lot of suffering

and the more you can forgive yourself

and stop criticizing yourself because

you made a mistake

it might be a mistake that only you see

for yourself

nobody else really knows that you you

feel that way

but it keeps this unwholesome nature

over and over again

and it causes us to see the world

through

colored glasses we don't see things

as they actually are

that's a big problem that

stops our happiness

and causes us to get depressed

anxious and critical

so we really need to work with

forgiveness meditation which is part of

loving kindness

and it helps to relieve

that harsh nature that

causes emotional upset

the whole point of learning meditation

is to learn how to have

[Music]

a mind that is

[Music]

all the time

too many people think that meditation is

only about sitting

but meditation is about living

and the more we can be

soft and accepting

and open

the more

fun there is in life more acceptance

there is in life

we're all going to make mistakes

everybody makes a mistake every now and

then

but that doesn't mean you have to beat

yourself up for it

so this kind of loving kindness towards

yourself

and others

means having a balanced mind that

doesn't get

emotionally upset

with whatever happens

that doesn't mean you can't fix

the a problem

you can solve a problem much faster much

easier

with a balanced mind and trusting your

intuition

too many people ignore their

intuition they don't follow their

intuition

we have so many uh hindrances

and uh

distractions

that are very loud voices in our mind

when an intuition comes we kind of

have a tendency to ignore it

and go on because of our attachment

we go on in the same way

so learn to listen to that quiet

voice that will tell you do this

try this go into this store there's

something that's

going to help you there

but also trust your intuition with your

forgiveness

okay

again a monk uses things in common

with his virtuous companions in the holy

life without making reservations

that means generosity and sharing monks

share everything

from food to

requisites

we take care of each other we are a big

family

so

he shares with them any grain of

kind any gain

of kind that accords with the dhamma

and has it as obtained in that way

that accords with the dhamma

including even contents in his bowl

there is one um

practice that

monks they make a determination that

they're only going to

um eat food that's put in their bowl

this is in in asia where they do a lot

more alms around than they do in america

but after alms around there might be

five or six monks

and we all sit down and eat together

and we know that this monk he only

accepts food that's put into his bowl

but we know that he has certain

likes for different kinds of food

and it makes him happy

so i would take food out of my bowl and

put in his bowl

and then he can eat it because it was

accepted in the bowl

and it gets kind of fun during a meal

time because

we share everything

so

the kinds of generosity that we can

practice one of the highest

kinds of generosity is sharing your food

the buddha said if you saw

the advantage of sharing your food with

others

you would never eat alone

you would always share your food from

from your plate to somebody else's plate

and i had a very good experience with

the

venerable

monindra when he came to

america and he was at the center that i

was

working with

and we would sit down to eat and he was

constantly taking his food off of his

plate and putting it on somebody else's

plate

because he knew they liked it and it got

to be

kind of a tradition while he was there

that we would share the food

and it is fun

especially sharing with somebody that

doesn't have much

again monks dwell in public and in

private

possessing in common with their

companions in the holy life

those virtues unbroken untorn

unblotched unmuddled

liberating commanded by the wise

not misapprehended and conducive

to constant collectedness

now we're talking about keeping the

rules

keeping the rules of monks we have a lot

of them

we have 227 rules

you have five

what this is really talking about is

showing

other people by your actions

that keeping the precepts

is it leads to

a calm mind it leads to a

happy mind and

it makes life more and more exciting

and fun as you keep the the

precepts for longer and longer periods

of time

again among dwells in public and in

private

possessing in common with his companions

in the holy life

that view that is noble emancipating and

leads to practice in accordance with the

complete destruction

of suffering

now one of the things that's a really

kind of a strange phenomenon in america

is that people that practice meditation

they

say they're not supposed to talk to

anybody else about it

you don't talk to people about your

meditation actually

that's a wrong interpretation

monks don't talk to laymen

about their practice

i have a lot of people that

ask me directly are you and are a hot

well i can honestly say no i

am not

but whether i am

an onigami or as octagomi

or a sodapath is none of your business

it's only my business

and i won't talk about where i am

[Music]

with the meditation

for monks if we start talking about

where we are with the meditation it

sounds a little bit

a little bit like bragging

and also

it can cause a lot of misunderstanding

and criticisms and that sort of thing so

we don't discuss that

with laymen but we do talk about it with

other monks

excuse me

but that doesn't mean that laymen can't

discuss

where they are with their practice among

laymen

so it's a very

uh misunderstood form of communication

if you are practicing meditation

and you don't have a

teacher around and you run into a

problem then you go to your

spiritual friends that are doing the

same

kind of practice that you're doing

and discuss it with them they can come

up

with the solutions that you've never

thought of before

and you uh

if if you're at the same level of

meditation

then that can be invaluable for you

to talk with somebody else that has that

same

level of understanding

and it's very easy to solve

questions it's very easy

to uh discuss

and you can get into some absolutely

wonderful

discussions on

well what did you think the buddha said

about this

here in the suit it says this but in the

suit that says that

how how can you

find out common thread

so dominant discussions are very good

and

questions of course

like last week i told you about

if you don't ask questions you're going

to be reborn

stupid and when you ask a lot of

questions you're going to be

reborn very intelligent and wise

so any questions that you have

talk to your spiritual friend or talk to

a teacher

don't be shy

that's one of the things that was very

difficult for me

and

[Music]

when i was in malaysia when i was mostly

teaching chinese

and they are taught from the very very

beginning

of their life never to question

don't ask questions

and as a result they get very confused

and trying to get them to talk about

what the real problem is is difficult

sometimes it takes a long time

well one of the things about keeping

your precepts

that's very important

is if you have a hindrance say fear

that is constantly coming up or

anxiety you can't sit still

you always have to be moving

if this sort of thing starts to happen

it's good to talk to your

friend spiritual friend or teacher

now the nature of keeping things quiet

of not telling somebody of

keeping secrets

means that you have a very strong

attachment and

it's blocking you're going deeper into

the meditation

one of the definitions of an arahat is

someone that has

no secrets

there's no attachment there's no craving

secrets cloud the way you see the world

letting go of those secrets telling just

one other person that secret

will clear your mind

it's no longer a secret

so you've let go of the attachment

sometimes this can be very difficult

there was one lady that

she was going through a very difficult

time in her life

and she had a secret and i kept on

asking her what

what what is your secret why why aren't

you telling me this

and finally

pulled out of her i guess that's a wrong

way to describe it but i

convinced her to tell me what her secret

was

and her secret was

that she was gambling on the internet

and she was losing a lot of money and

she felt very very guilty for that

and she was she she is sweating on her

brow

and she was it was very very difficult

for her

to confess to something like that

once she did i told her

of course well

don't get on the internet and do that

sort of thing anymore don't

don't get caught up in gambling

and

[Music]

immediately her life became much better

because she

let go of that secret

so keeping

secrets keeping things real private that

you might have done that

they might not even be that big a deal

but in your

mind you made it a big deal

and you might be really embarrassed

because of

that and you then you don't want to tell

anybody about it

but when you do there's a big burden

that's taken off your mind and you start

seeing

things more clearly

so these are the six

memorable qualities that create love and

respect and conduce to helpfulness

to non-dispute to concord and to unity

of these six memorable qualities the

highest

and most comprehensive

the most conclusive

in this view is the noble

emancipating and leading one

to one who practices

in accordance with the complete

destruction

of suffering

just as the highest and most

comprehensive

the most conclusive part

of a pinnacle building

is the pinnacle itself so

to these six memorable

qualities are the highest

in this view that the noble ones

talk about emancipating

and how does this view that is noble and

emancipating

lead to one who practices in accordance

with the complete

destruction of suffering

here monk gone to the forest or to the

root of a tree or an empty hut

considers thus is there

any obsession i'm abandoned by myself

that might so

obsess my mind

that i cannot know and see things as

they

actually are obsess

your mind think about it a lot

get caught in it a lot

keep having repeat thoughts about

that obsession

if a monk is obsessed with sensual lust

then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed by ill will

then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed with sloth and torpor

then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed with restlessness and

remorse then his mind is obsessed

if he is obsessed by doubt then his

mind is obsessed being obsessed with any

of the five

hindrances is being obsessed

it means guilty feeling

taking it personally and it can come

from

a long time ago in your early life or

even before that

in other lives

we have these old habitual tendencies

when we recognize them as being

obsessed

then we need to work with the

forgiveness to

let go of that obsession

if a monk is absorbed in speculation

about this world

then his mind is obsessed

if a monk is absorbed in speculation

about other worlds

then his mind is obsessed

if a monk takes to quarreling and

brawling

and in deep disputes stabbing each other

with verbal daggers

then his mind is obsessed

that means you let go of your thinking

and observing mind

and just go back over the same old stuff

over and over again

he understands thus there's

no obsession on abandon in myself that

might

obsess my mind that i cannot know and

see

things as they actually are

my mind is well disposed for awakening

to truths

this is the first knowledge attained by

him that is

noble supramundane

not shared by ordinary people

again a noble disciple

considers thus when i

pursue develop and cultivate this view

do i personally obtain serenity

do i personally obtain quenching

letting go relief

is what is talking about here

he understands when i pursue

develop and cultivate this view

i personally obtain serenity

i personally obtain quenching

this is the second knowledge attained by

him

that is noble supramundane

mundane means beyond the mundane

mundane means everyday life

super mundane means the spiritual life

again a noble disciple considers thus

is there any other recluse or brahman

outside the buddha's dispensation

possess of a view such as i possess

why is that such a big statement

a view that only the buddhists

really work towards them and obtain

it is because of the seeing the

impersonal nature of everything

not taking things personally

now when you when you do that you are

leading the spiritual life

at that time

when you recognize that you're holding

on to

a view that has anger

or restlessness in it

and you see how much it

causes you pain and you use the six

hours and

let it go there's great relief in that

he understands thus there's no other

recluse or brahman

outside the buddha's dispensation

possessed of this view

it's all very confusing because a lot of

people

really have a belief in a permanent soul

permanent self

they're looking for something that's

always permanent

and everything is in the state of change

and seeing the impersonal nature of that

there is great relief

and your mind becomes very peaceful and

calm

when you recognize that

this is the third knowledge obtained by

him

that is noble super mundane not shared

by

ordinary people again a noble disciple

considers this

do i possess the character of a person

who possesses right view what is the

character of a person who possesses

right view

this is the character of a person who

possesses right view

although he may commit some kind of

offense

break a precept

for which a means of rehabilitation

has been laid down the rehabilitation

is letting go of the secrets

telling a spiritual friend or a teacher

so that you can let go of that guilty

feeling

still he at once confesses reveals

and discloses it to a teacher or a wise

companion in the holy life

and having done that he enters upon

restraint for the future

i've told a lot of people about this

[Music]

forgive yourself for making a mistake if

there's no

spiritual friend or teacher around

[Music]

take the precepts again

and make a strong determination that

you're not going to do that

in the future

just as a young tender infant lying

prone

at at once draws back when he puts his

hand

or foot in a fire or a live

coal so too that is the character of a

person who possesses right view

breaking a precept causes guilty feeling

and it will keep coming up i

shouldn't have said that i shouldn't

have done that

it'll keep coming up until you let go of

that secret

of having done that

he understands thus

i possess the character of a person who

possesses

right view this is the fourth knowledge

attained by him that is noble

super mundane not shared by ordinary

people again a noble disciple

considers thus do i possess

the character of a person who possesses

right view

what is the character of a person who

possesses right view

this is the character of a person who

possesses right view

although he may be active in various

matters for his companions and the holy

life

yet he has a keen

regard for training in the higher

virtue training in the higher mind

training in the higher wisdom

always

thinking and training yourself so you

can see

how dependent origination works

how lovingkindness works

how any of the brahmaviharas work

always being aware of what you're doing

before you do it

when you keep the precepts over a period

of time you start seeing that

much more clearly and then you have to

make a choice whether you're going to

break that precept or not

hopefully you won't break the previous

set but if you

happen to you're going to have the

guilty mind and it's going to come back

at you with your meditation it's going

to come back

and cause you all kinds of problems

just as a cow with a new calf

while she gazes watches her calves so

too

that is the character of a person who

possesses right view

that means being aware what you're doing

while you're doing it

he understands this i possess the

character of a person

who possesses right view this is the

fifth knowledge attained by him that is

noble

super mundane not shared by ordinary

people

again a noble disciple considers this

i do possess do do i

possess strength of a person

who possesses right view

what is the strength of a person who

possesses right view

this is the strength of a person who

possesses

right view when the dhamma and

discipline

proclaimed by the tatakata

[Music]

is being taught he heeds it

gives it attention

engages it with all his mind

hears the dhamma as

with eager ears

oh listening to the dhamma i i know that

some people they say well i'm gonna

i have this project i have to do and

i'll just turn on the dom and talk

and listen to the dhamma talk while i'm

doing that

well that does not really give you much

benefit

the way you listen to a dhamma talk with

high respect and only listen to

the dhamma don't be doing

other things i know that sometimes

people they like to listen to the

dhamma while they're preparing a meal or

cooking

or doing a hobby or whatever

they they get very little advantage

of doing this

it's when you sit down

give it high respect and listen

completely only listening

he understands thus i possess the

strength of a person who possesses right

view

this is the sixth knowledge attained by

him that

is noble super mundane not shared by

ordinary people

again a noble disciple considers us

do i possess the strength of a person

who possesses right view

what is the strength of a person who

possesses right view

this is the strength of a person who

possesses right view

when the dhamma and discipline

proclaimed by the tatakata is being

taught

he gains inspiration

in the meaning

inspiration in the dhamma

gains gladness connected with the dhamma

when you listen very attentively

to a dhamma talk especially if it's read

to you

from the suttas

you can you can be really happy

because your understanding is improved

every time you're attentive with a

dhamma talk

i listen to a lot of domino talks i

give a lot of dhamma talks

and there are some people that can even

attain the become a sotapanna

by just listening and understanding

what is being said by

listening and readjusting

your

observations and perspective

just by listening to the dhamma talks

he understands this i possess the

strength of a person

who possesses right view this

is the seventh knowledge attained by him

that is noble

super mundane not shared by ordinary

people

when this noble disciple is thus

possessed of seven factors

he has well sought the character

for realization of the fruit

of stream entry

when an adult and a noble disciple is

thus possessed of these seven

factors he possesses the fruit of

stream entry

that's what the blessed one said

the monks were satisfied and delighted

in the blessed one's words

i particularly like this suta

because it it it spills out

what to do in case there is disagreement

between people

and how to handle that with loving

kindness

with loving-kindness in body speech and

mind

not letting your mind run off and think

about this and that and how this person

is wrong

and they shouldn't say this and how

they're trying to cause

problems and all of that

when you take the time to radiate

loving kindness to those people

eventually they will

[Music]

be more easily communicated with

one of the interesting things joseph

still

joseph goldstein was telling about a

story

when he was with menindra in india

and there was this guy that was

extremely

rude to everybody that came around him

he always had something nasty to say

except when he saw

menindra

he was always very kind and loving

and soft-spoken around menindra

so joseph asked him one day why

is he like that to you and everybody

else he's really nasty

what is it that you have that nobody

else has

and menendra told him that he's been

spending

some period of time radiating loving

kindness to him every time he thought

about him every time he had

any dealings with him the man sold

peanuts

that was the way he made his living

but he was always so nasty to people he

didn't have many customers

but when more and more people started

hearing about menindra

and what he was doing

the man became more and more

able to communicate in nice ways

without being offensive

and he actually began to

prosper more and more as he calmed down

because menindra was telling other

people how to

how to act around

this offensive man

before long he had a reputation this man

had a reputation of being

kind and gentle and it all started

with menindra

not believing that nastiness

not getting upset by his

[Music]

verbal attacks

but having compassion for that man

and other people seeing him as the

example

found out what he was doing and they

started doing that

and that changed that man's attitude

he still had his moments of

dissatisfaction and dislike but they

were less and less

and his offensiveness became less and

less

this is how you become an example

to the world around you

by remembering to radiate loving

kindness

to people that are especially

nasty

and problematic

don't take it personally because there's

nothing in the world that's personal

radiate loving kindness and compassion

to as many people as you possibly can in

the day

and by your example

other people will follow that example

and that's how we change the world

around us in a positive way

so i've been talking for a while

[Music]

do any of you have any questions

either about your practice or just

general

questions

even though i tell you that if you don't

ask questions you're going to wind up

stupid

it doesn't seem to matter

that's what you're going to get for

yourself fine you can do that

i have a question please oh please do

um i'm encountering a lot of

restlessness okay and i can hardly sit

still and i cannot

sometimes not sleep at night because i'm

so restless

and i'm trying to let it go but it is

okay

here's what i want you to do i want you

to ask yourself

what is the cause of the restlessness

you ask yourself that while you're

sitting

okay and your intuition will come and

tell you

what the problem is then you can

adjust and you won't have so much

problem with

restlessness after that

okay trust your intuition

[Music]

and it might be that you need to

switch your meditation from

lovingkindness over to forgiveness

and forgive yourself for making mistakes

and things like that

but first try with your intuition to see

what your intuition says

okay okay

[Music]

and let me know how it goes

okay thank you okay

anybody else

yeah it's okay um

yes regarding forgive the temptation

i do it if something comes up during

meditation i find it

very effective and very helpful would it

be

perhaps a good idea just to

maybe set aside a separate meditation

even if i'm not feeling something

in needs of forgiving just sort of a

cultivation of forgiveness

meditation if that makes sense

i'll tell you one of the things is very

helpful to me

i would always have

[Music]

some kind of fantastic idea that i

needed to think about and consider while

i was sitting in meditation

and i

i put a red flag on it and told myself i

don't need to think about it right now

it can come up later when i'm not

sitting

and it it worked

now as far as

the doing the forgiveness the fastest

way to do forgiveness

is to only do forgiveness

okay let go of any other practice that

you're doing

and just stay with the forgiveness

that's the fastest way to

overcome these kind of things

and don't get caught up in the story

of why you need to forgive

or what that other person did to cause

that problem

don't get caught up in the story

your job is just to stay with i forgive

you for causing me pain or i forgive

myself for causing the pain

okay or i for i

forgive myself for not understanding

there's a lot of the problems that we

have we didn't understand

the whole problem we just reacted to

whatever it was and we have to forgive

ourselves for

that okay

did that help

very much yes thank you okay good

that makes me happy

i have a question please auntie

nice to see you um

i've um been continuing to do

forgiveness meditation

um pretty well non-stop and i do it

through the day

it's really changed my life and my heart

um and i'm i'm finding that um

i'm trying to forget i have some couple

very difficult

family members like it's just very

abusive very very different

and i find that i

i just don't feel i can deal with them

and i'm

just continuously forgiving myself for

not being able to respond

for not being able to do the right thing

to help them to and i and and i've just

let go of trying to change the other

person completely

and just i just keep finding that all

i'm doing is forgiving myself

i i don't feel like i can't forgive them

they're just themselves it's nothing to

do with me

i'll tell you a story

that might help okay

i had a student that when she was 16

her father committed suicide it was from

a very

rich family and right after he committed

suicide

the uncle stole the family fortune

now cut back

another 35 years and she comes and she

starts practicing meditation with me and

she told me about the situation and how

she hates her

uncle so i told her

that she needed to start forgiving

and she did and

she felt a lot of relief

and when she got home after the retreat

one of the first things that happened

was her uncle

who had stole the family fortune

called her up

and asked her to forgive him

for doing that

now all she did was forgive him for

causing that much pain

and when he called up and asked her to

forgive him

then they worked out a lot of the

problems that they'd had with each other

you're not trying to change somebody

else by forgiving

them what you're doing

is changing your perspective of them

how do you do it without having

the little hook there you see them in

your mind's eye

and you say i forgive you for causing

this pain

i forgive you for not understanding

don't get into the story

just keep your mind

unforgiving

so there's just a little thing there i'm

sorry i'm interrupting you i don't want

to do that

as as you forgive them

[Music]

you're opening up your perspective of

them

and that allows them the space

to change

right now when you when you have

non-forgiveness

when you have this uh grudge

you always think of them in the same way

[Music]

okay now with the forgiveness this means

acceptance you stop thinking of them

in that way and your psychic

energy changes towards

them and that allows us that allows them

to change it might not be the change you

necessarily would like to see but

it allows them the space

to change

and eventually there will be some

relief in that i know i've done that and

it's really been powerful with another

family member

um and that's it's connected with the

other

person and and it's been powerful

there's been big movement just in the

last few weeks

but i i very the difficulty is for me

hearing that story and thinking

oh if i do this i'll get something out

of it

i you know i'll get what i want from it

you have to wait and see what you're

gonna get you don't know you can't tell

the future

i know but i do have a way you don't

know when it's gonna happen or how it's

gonna happen

but there will be some lightening

of the feeling towards them

i just have to trust that and have a lot

of patience

man that's magnificent

thank you bees continue on with

i have to there's nothing else i can do

right

there will be relief i promise you

at some point i don't know when it's

going to happen it depends on your

attachment to them

and what they say and their attachment

to you there's

a complicated mess but it's a simple

solution

okay thank you okay

i love your smile

very good uh thanks to you everybody's

saying oh you're smiling all the time

looks good that makes me happy

it feels better all

life becomes more fun

anybody else have a question yes thank

you bonte for your talk

um thank you for your demo talk i have a

question about practice is it okay to

um start off your daily practice with

forgiveness meditation

and then let it move to meta

no um do one thing at a time

if you want to do forgiveness stay with

forgiveness until you feel

relief then when you go back to meta

your meta is going to be really strong

because this is a form of matter

right okay just

one thing at a time that way you won't

get confused and jump from one thing to

the other when it gets tough

and that sort of thing you got to stick

with it

okay thank you that's helpful you're

welcome

any other questions hello

hello hi yes uh nice to have you

yeah every week yeah i have also like um

one uh

uh uh actually uh more than one is

several like

previous uh uh

actions or deeds that that was when i

was in

previous years that was obviously a

breaking precepts and that keep coming

back

some scenario when even though when i

was very young i remember certain things

that i did

right now i know it is very very bad you

know like

and then over the years um that means i

still have to do a lot of forgiveness

right because

that scenario is from time to time

[Music]

you have to give it until you

accept it and say okay i did that

it's gone now i feel

relief and it will stop

coming back to you it keeps repeating

itself because of your

attachment to it

so that means you know

don't get involved in the story

of how it happened why it happened we

don't care about that all you have to do

is forgive yourself for doing it

forgive yourself because you made a

mistake you've learned from the mistake

you're not going to do that again right

so forgive yourself

but just stay with the forgiveness

the story about why and how and all of

this stuff

is already gone it's passed

you don't have to repeat it you know

what happened

what you need to do is just stay with

the forgiveness

okay um so okay um

[Music]

i i actually practice uh like several

times and i feel relief but still there

is

like other scenarios like for some

scenarios

even though for the biggest hindrance

that i think i have

i was able to see myself overcome even

though

i mean even through a very uh like

direct practice of like

talking to those persons that we have

have problems with directly which i

was feeling fake reliefs but then uh

with some other people or some other

things and scenarios in the previous

older days which i wasn't had chance to

close it that still comes up that means

i still need

more forgiveness to myself

you have to keep forgiving until you

feel

relief

when you feel really you're not dead

your mind will tell you

well i don't have to do that anymore now

i really

did forgive

see the whole thing with forgiveness of

repeating the statements

over and over and over again is convince

your mind that you're being serious with

it and you want to let go of that

attachment

that's what forgiveness is it's

repeating it until you convince yourself

that you can let that go you can let the

that guilty feeling go you can let that

pain go you still

will have memory of what happened in the

past but the pain won't be there

anymore that's forgiveness

and that is extremely powerful

i can still continue on matter right if

i feel like that

uh after the forgiveness the other like

sitting or the other next day

which i can see myself in a mole

or mood that um there is

do one thing at a time only do one thing

don't do the method the forgiveness

is a kind of meta stay with that until

you're done with it

okay okay let's go over there

the metal will be there whenever you get

done with the forgiveness

it'll be there stronger and easier

but we want to wrap up understand

hard-hearted feelings around your heart

we want to let those feelings go

so they don't bother you anymore

okay thank you pante thank you

okay smile

anybody else with the question

no no i have one more question

i would just want to say that i know

that i have this restlessness

um ever since i can remember

even as a child it has always been there

but now it's strong

well don't get over concerned with it

don't turn it into a big deal

just forgive it for being there

okay that can be from something that

occurred in a past lifetime who knows

but you it the forgiveness works

okay when you clear it up here in the

present it won't come back to bother you

from the past

okay even if i don't know what it is

even if you don't know what it is just

forgive yourself for not understanding

then let's share some merit

may suffering ones be suffering free

and the fear struck fearless be

may the grieving shed all grief and may

all beings find relief

may all beings share this merit that

we've thus

acquired for the acquisition of all

kinds of happiness

may beings inhabiting space centers

devas and nagas of mighty powers shared

in

this merit of ours may they long

protect the buddha's dispensation

so i wish you all a very happy week

and i'll see you next sunday

thank you have a good day day

you