Seattle Retreat MN 128 Imperfections-nl25xR-dqEs.en.vtt.txt

From: https://youtube.com/watch?v=nl25xR-dqEs

Context: Throughout this transcript, Bhante Vimalaramsi is the speaker unless otherwise indicated.

but kalisa Kalisa means hindrance and

uba means big so we're talking about the

big hindrances tonight thus have I heard

on one occasion the blessed one was

living at kasam be in cositas park now

on that occasion the monks at kasam be

had taken two quarreling and brawling

and were in deep disputes stabbing each

other with verbal daggers does this

sound familiar then a certain monk went

to the blessed one and after paying

homage to him he stood at one side and

said venerable sir the monks here at

kasam be have taken two quarreling and

brawling in are in deep disputes

stabbing each other with verbal daggers

it would be good VIN erable sir if the

blessed one would go to those moms out

of compassion the blessed one consented

in silence that means it shook his head

yes then the blessed one went to those

monks and said to them enough monks let

there be no quarreling brawling

wrangling or dispute when this was said

a certain amount said to the blessed one

wait venerable sir let the blessed one

the Lord of the Dhamma live it is

devoted to a pleasant abiding here and

now we are the ones who will be

responsible for this quarrel in brawling

ring

in dispute he was basically telling the

Buddha go meditate let us fight can you

imagine saying that to the Buddha for a

second time and a third time the Blessed

ones that enough monks leather me no

quarreling brawling wrangling or dispute

for a second and a third time that monk

said to the blessed one week venerable

sir we are the ones who will be

responsible for this quarreling brawling

wrangling and dispute then when it was

morning the Blessed One dressed and

taking his bowl an outer robe entered

kasam be for alms when he had wandered

for alms and kosamba he returned from

his arms round after his meal he said

his resting place and hoarder took a

bowl his bowl in outer robe and while

standing uttered this stanza now this is

very peculiar very seldom do the Buddha

ever stand and say anything he would

always sit down but this shows his

disgust of those monks when many voices

shout at one nun considers himself a

fool though the Sangha is being split

nun thinks himself to be at fault they

have forgotten thoughtful speech they

talk obsessed by words alone unheard

their mouths they brawl at will none

knows what leads him to the soul to act

he abused me he beat me he defeated me

he robbed me in those who harbor such

thoughts hatred will never be a piece he

abused me he beat me he defeated me he

robbed me

those who do not Harbor such thoughts

hatred will be appeased for in this

world hatred is never overcome by

further as of hate this is only overcome

by love that is the fixed and ageless

law those who do not recognize that here

we should restrain ourselves but those

wise ones who realize this at once end

all enmity breakers of bones and

murderers those who steal cattle horses

wealth those who pillage the entire

realm when even these can act together

why can you not do so this is really

very big slap if one can find a worthy

friend the virtuous steadfast companion

then overcome all threats of danger and

walk with Him content and mindful but if

one finds no worthy friend no virtuous

steadfast companion then as a king

leaves his conquered realm walk like a

Tusker in the woods alone better is it

to walk alone there is no companionship

with fools walk alone and do no evil and

eating's like a Tusker in the woods then

having uttered these stanzas while

standing the blessed one left kasam be

on that occasion the venerable bagu was

living at

at a closed town close by when the

venerable Babu saw the blessed one

coming in the distance he prepared a

seat and set out water for washing the

feet then the blessed one sat down on a

seat made ready and washed his feet the

venerable bagu paid homage to the

blessed one and sat down at one side and

the blessed one said to him I hope you

are keeping well monk I hope you are

comfortable I hope you are not having

any trouble getting food I am keeping

well blessed one I am comfortable and I

am not having any trouble getting food

then the blessed one instruct heard

roused and gladden the venerable bagu

with a talk on the Dhamma after which he

rose from us eat and went to the eastern

bamboo park now what happened was when

he left kasam be the villagers were very

upset they were upset with those monks

for fighting all the time and when the

Buddha was getting ready to spend the

range retreat there and now he's walking

away and they became so upset with these

other monks that they wouldn't feed them

as long as they were arguing so the

other monks they did came down after

this but they didn't they didn't learn

their lesson quickly enough they had to

let go of their attachment more quickly

so when the Buddha left the venerable

Babu and went to the eastern

bamboo park then on that occasion of

venerable aniruddha the venerable non

dia and the venerable Kim Billa were

living at the Eastern bamboo park the

park keeper saw the blessed one coming

in the distance and told him please do

not enter this park recluse there are

three Klansmen here seeking their own

good please do not disturb them the

venerable Avenue aniruddha heard the

park keeper speaking to the blessed one

and told him friend park keeper do not

keep the blessed one out it is our

teacher the blessed one who has come

then the venerable aniruddha went to the

venerable nadia and the venerable Kim

villa and said come venerable sirs come

out our teacher the blessed one has come

then all three went to meet the blessed

one one took his bowl and outer wrote

one prepare to see one set out water for

washing the feet the blessed one sat

down on the seat made ready and washed

his feet then those three venerable ones

paid homage to the blessed one and sat

down at one side the blessed one said to

them I hope you are keeping well

Aniruddha Aniruddha was a venerable

Ananda older brother and this is before

he had become in our ha he came he

became an are hot after this discourse I

hope you are comfortable I hope you are

not having any trouble getting homes

food we are keeping well blessed one we

are comfortable and we are

not having any trouble getting home

spewed I hope aniruddha that you are all

living in Concord in mutual appreciation

without disputing blending like milk and

water viewing each other with kindly

eyes surely venerable sir we are living

in Concord with mutual appreciation

without disputing blending like milk and

water viewing each other with kindly

eyes but an arruda how do you live thus

venerables sir as to that I think thus

it is a game for me it is a great game

for me that I am living with such

companions in the holy life I maintain

bodily acts of loving kindness towards

these venerable ones both openly and

privately I maintain verbal acts of

loving kindness towards them both openly

and privately I maintain mental acts of

loving kindness towards them both openly

and privately I consider why should I

not set aside what I wish to do and do

what these venerable ones wish to do

then I set aside what I wish to do and

do with these venerable ones wish to do

we are different in body venerable sir

but one in mind the venerable non dia

and the venerable kin bala each spoke

likewise adding that is how then

horrible sir we are living in Concord

with mutual appreciation without this

beauty blending like

can water viewing each other with kindly

eyes good good Aniruddha I hope that you

all abide diligent ardent and resolute

surely venerable sir we abide diligent

hardened and resolute but Aniruddha how

do you have I thus venerable sir as to

that whichever of us returns first from

the village with alms food we prepare

the seats set the set out the drinking

water and the washing water and put

aside the river and puts the refuge

bucket in its place whichever of us

returns last eats any food left over if

he wishes otherwise he throws it away

where there is no greenery or drops it

into water where there's no life he puts

away the seats and the water for

drinking and washing he puts away the

refuge bucket after washing it out and

he sweeps out the refractory who ever

noticed that the pots of water for

drinking washing and for the latrine are

low or empty takes care of them if they

are too heavy for him he calls someone

else by a signal of the hand and they

remove it by joining hands but because

of this they do not break out into

speech but every five days we sit

together all night discussing the Dhamma

that is how we abide diligent ardent and

resolute so what they're basically

saying is they don't socialize but they

help each other in whatever ways

can and every five nights they'll spend

the whole night discussing what their

practice is doing how their practice is

working and what the Buddha's teachings

are so that keeps it in their mind all

of the time good good Aniruddha but

while you abide thus diligent ardent and

resolute have you attained any

superhuman states a distinction in

knowledge and vision vision worthy of

the noble ones a comfortable abiding

venerable as we abide here diligent

arden and resolute we perceive both

radiance and visions of forms soon

afterwards the radiance and vision of

forms disappear but we do not but we

have not discovered the cause for that

you should discover the cause for that

Aniruddha before my enlightenment while

I was still only an unenlightened

Bodhisattva I to perceive both radiance

and vision of forms soon afterwards the

radiance and vision of forms disappeared

I thought what is the cause and

condition why the radiance and vision of

forms have disappeared then I considered

thus doubt arose in me and because of of

the doubt my collective mind fell away

when my collective mind fell away the

radiance and division of forms

disappeared I shall so act that doubt

will not arise in me

again now when doubt arises it's doubt

of whether you're doing the correct

product whether you're putting in enough

energy or not it's the kind of thing

that when doubt arises it causes your

mind to be so distracted that you're

only thinking about the doubt and you

forget that you're doing your meditation

so this is a hindrance what do you do

with the hindrance as soon as you

recognize that your mind has gone away

it doesn't matter it can go in for two

or three or five minutes but as soon as

you remember you let go of all of the

thoughts and relax there's a feeling

there and there is a version to that

feeling so there is allowing the feeling

to be this doesn't matter whether it's a

physical feeling or a mental feeling the

feeling is either pleasant or painful or

neither painful month Pleasant you allow

the feeling to be there let it float

around just like it would be a bubble in

the air if the wind goes this way the

bubble will go that way or if the wind

goes the other way the bubble will go

that way there's no resistance there's

no trying to control the feeling there's

only allowing the feeling now it can

happen that you have a feeling let's say

you have a pain in the neck and you

relax and allow that feeling to be there

and then you notice that feeling move

somewhere else in your body it's okay it

doesn't matter relax and allow the

to happen now smile and come back to

your object of meditation the feeling of

loving kindness making a wish for your

own happy the more you practice smiling

the easier it is to have that warm

glowing feeling so when you are doing

your daily practice try to remember to

smile every time you see your mind

become heavy about anything time to

smile and laugh because when you'd laugh

it goes from I'm sad and I don't like

this too it's only the sadness it's okay

for that sadness to be there let it be

relaxed I'll come back so that's how you

handle the doubt the doubt is not going

to go away right away because we're

attached to it we think this is who I am

I have this doubt and it's my doubt but

every time you relax you're letting go

of the identification with that thought

and with that feeling and then you

purify your mind by the relaxing and you

bring their your attention back to your

object of meditation so you're going to

be bouncing back and forth with it for a

little while but that's okay try to see

how mines attention got there how did it

get to the doubt what happened right

before the doubt came up what happened

before that would happen before that as

you start to look at this

an impersonal process then you start

losing your attachment to it as you let

go of your thoughts about the doubt and

relax you've let go of a big attachment

of I am that but there's still a little

one there and that's that tension and

tightness and you need to relax allow

that feeling to be there by itself it's

okay for doubtful feelings to arise it

has to be okay because that's the truth

and it's there it's there let it float

around let it do whatever it wants the

meditation is not about control it's not

about trying to make something happen

the way I want it to happen it's about

learning how to lovingly accept the

present moment the way idiot and relax

into that this is flashing

so as you become more familiar with how

this process works you start losing your

attachment to it and you start seeing it

the way it really is it's a lot of

little things that are put together to

make up this concept of doubt ok now

another interesting part about what the

Buddha's instructions is is he asked a

question what is the cause and condition

why the radiance and vision of farms

disappeared you can ask a question of

why is my mind wandering away from the

object of meditation but you just asked

at one time and then you relax and the

answer will become more apparent it

becomes easier to see why that's

happening one time when I was when I

first started working at a meditation

center that this is many years I was

working and I was doing all kinds of

remodeling and all kinds of things and

this guy came and he wanted to meditate

but he was going to be meditating by

itself and he'd never done any

meditation before so the teacher came to

me and said I want you to meditate with

him and in my mind I went I don't want

to meditate right now I've got to do

this and I've got to do that and I got

to do that and oh there's too much to do

but he said to meditate so I did and I

was Restless like you couldn't believe

my mind was so restless I couldn't feel

any decent comb I was only having my

mine go away and get into this feeling

and I felt like jumping out of my skin I

was so restless so I asked myself why am

I so Restless I'm not generally like

this why is this happening and then I

let go of the thought and the next time

i did my sitting meditation the thought

came to me you don't really want to be

here meditating do you want to be doing

other things and I went of course that's

what's making me Restless I didn't want

to be there doing it but this is why I

came to the meditation center to

meditate so I let go of all these other

things that I had to do and immediately

my mind calm down so it's okay to ask a

question why is my mind so active but

just do it one time and relax and don't

think about it anymore the answer will

come and when the answer comes it will

be a very obvious thing you have some

idea of other than doing the meditation

right now so you let that go and say no

this is what I want to be doing and then

the meditation starts to settle down

very easy yes

no why why is my mind so Restless not

why does one particular kind of thought

come up that's why is my mind not

staying with my object of meditation why

is my mind running all over so example

like yesterday I collect time to have

this and it feel so sad and I couldn't

bring them unhappy happiness comes then

if I would just ask the question why you

can see where your attachment yeah yeah

and then when you recognize that then

you have to make up your mind I can let

that go for right now okay

I shall so act that doubt will not arise

in me again as an aruba I was abiding

diligent ardent and resolute I perceived

both radiance and vision of forms soon

afterward the radiance and vision of

forms disappeared I thought what is the

cause and condition why the radiance and

vision of forms has disappeared what is

the cause and condition of my not being

able to get the feeling of loving

kindness then I considered thus an

attention arose in me and because of

inattention my collected mine fell away

with my collected mine fell away the

radiance and vision of forms disappeared

I shall so act that neither doubt nor

inattention will arise in me again

inattention means that you're not really

staying with your object of meditation

you have other thoughts that they seem

real important and you need to think of

right now so when you see that your mind

is not being attentive that your mind is

kind of wandering all over the place

then that is the time to axon that'd be

never mind these thoughts like they can

come up when I'm doing my daily

activities they don't need them right

now and if it's a real important thought

that you want to be able to have come up

later you can tell yourself I'm going to

put a red flag on that that

and come up after I get done meditating

and it does it's real nice okay I shall

so act that neither doubt Noren

attention will rise in me again as an

arruda I was abiding argent ardent

diligent and resolute I considered thus

sloth and torpor arose and me because of

sloth and torpor my collected mine fell

away when my collected mine fell away

the radiance and vision of forms

disappeared I shall so act that neither

death nor inattention nor sloth and

torpor will arise in me again now this

is the cause of the sloth and torpor is

when you let your mind kind of ho-hum

around a little bit then just kind of

not paying attention to your friend and

wishing them well and staying with that

you're letting your mind kinda old let's

take this

and now you're not staying with your

object of meditation at all and your

mind starts to get dull and dull and now

it starts to get dreamy and then your

back starts lumping and then your head

starts nodding and the natural tendency

for that is to say oh I've got sloth and

torpor and then you sit up real straight

and you say I'm going to stay with the

object of meditation and before long

your back is lumped and you're starting

to not again because you don't put in a

balanced kind of energy how do you stop

this from happening take more interest

in sending love and kind thoughts to

your friend more interest I really do

like this person I really do wish them

well a little bit at a time

one of the things as you start to go

more and more in your meditation you'll

start to notice that your your energy

the amount of energy you need for your

sitting and meditation is not always

going to be the same sometimes your mind

is very peaceful and calm and it takes

almost no energy at all to stay on your

object of meditation other times your

mind is running around all over the

place and you have to have it you have

to pick your energy up a little bit and

let go and relax or your sloth and

torpor comes and you have to pick your

energy up and relax and let go and come

back so it's always every city is going

to be different it's never going to be

the same if you have a very busy day you

sit down in meditation your mind is

going to be busy just like it was all

day so why would you that become angry

at yourself for say this is a lousy of

meditation I can do it it's just acting

out the way it it's been acting all day

if you sit in meditation and you're

tired well you're not going to stay on

your object to meditation quite as well

so you have to pick up your effort and

staying with

your spiritual friend a little bit just

a little bit not a whole lot but the

more interest you have in staying with

your friend the easier it is to

recognize when your back starts to slow

a little bit and then you can straighten

up and let go right then and then come

back to your friend again radiate that

loving kindness and what happened right

before then oh there is this dreamy

state so you recognize o mine is

starting to get dreaming you let go

right then see that's how you start

letting go of the sloth and torpor step

by step eventually you'll get to see

that when mine is not being very

interested in staying on your object of

meditation you'll be able to recognize

that very quickly no I really do wish my

friend well I sincerely do and when you

do that then the sloth and torpor one

Rines after that but it takes practice

and you have to get fairly familiar with

this as well as with restlessness

because it's going to stay around a long

time until you become an are hot that's

when you get to let go of these until

then hello a friend

as an arruda I was abiding diligent

arted and read resolute I considered

thus fear arose in me and because of

fear my collected nine fell awake with

my collected nine fell away the radiance

and vision of forms disappeared suppose

a man set out on a journey and murderers

left out on both sides of him then fear

would arise in him because of that so to

fear a rose in me the radiance and

vision of forums disappeared so what

what happens when fear arises when fear

arises you'll notice that your body is

very very tense where is a tent it can

be tense in your stomach it could be

tense in the shoulders it can be tense

in your back it brings tensing your legs

and it can be anywhere but when you

recognize that relax that area you can

be in sitting and a fearful state can

come up in your hands go like this and

you notice that truth that's very tight

so you let go of the tightness in your

hand and then you look for another place

no I have it's over to here when I was

in Burma a dentist decided dokes it with

your Crossley a dentist decided to do me

a favor and he was going to clean my

teeth and he broke my tooth then he said

we have to do a root canal I'll in Burma

from one person to the next they don't

clean their tools oh and they use the

same needle over and over again without

cleaning so I don't want them doing

anything with needles around me I don't

want eat so I said okay we can do the

root canal that I don't want any

painkiller you can't use a needle in me

and I made sure that they boiled all of

their tools for a long time and so that

they would be somewhat clean so they

started drilling on my tooth you know

what a tooth canal feels like a lot of

pain and what would happen is I was

sitting in the dentist chair and all of

a sudden I'm holding on and my knuckles

are getting white tonight I'm really

feeling a lot of tension I'm also

feeling tension in my arms and also a

feeling tension in my back and feeling

tension in my stomach my legs so as I as

he was drilling I started relaxing my

hands and relaxing my arms and relaxing

my back and the whole rest of my body

and then he would hit a place that was

real tender and everything would tighten

up again so I relaxed again now there

was a lot of fear because I wasn't sure

that this was a good dentist and there

was a lot of anxiety and a lot of

dislike of the pain so I started sending

loving

kind thoughts to the person that was

causing me the pain so I'm sending

loving and kind thoughts to the dentist

and every now and then he would hit a

place and I would jump and all of a

sudden I'm very tight and then I started

relaxing again and in my heart I start

forgiving him for causing the pain and

smiling and sending that smile to him I

think he liked the feeling of working on

me because he wasn't longer than he

normally did but when he got done my

mind was so calm my mind was so

collected that there was a lot of joy

that came and my mind became immediately

very tranquil and very much at ease as

soon as he stopped drilling no more pain

so I wasn't even thinking about it

anymore there was nothing to draw my

attention to it so he did the things he

needed to do and I got up from the

dentist chair and my mind was very

tranquil very much at ease and I was

happy for the whole rest of the day it

was a very very good meditation not one

that I recommend for anybody because

it's very difficult to do that but it

was worthwhile for me because I didn't

want to get somebody else's disease from

from needles and that sort of thing so

there's a when when fear arises take a

look at your body where the fear is

where the tension and tightness of

course you're going to have a lot of

thoughts about all the reasons why you

don't like the fear and how you're

trying to make

so you don't feel if here now in this

instance you don't let go of the

thoughts and relax and let go the

feeling first you let go of the feelings

and all over the body and then relax and

then let go the any thoughts that remain

and relax and come back to your living

time the fear is going to come up again

that's the nature of here you come back

to your loving kindness you just start

making a wish and immediately it goes

back and you have all of these tight

muscles again and then you have to relax

that and then relax here let go of any

thoughts that remain and reenact come

back to the loving-kindness again as you

do this over and over it gets easier and

easier to see I didn't ask the sphere to

come up it's not my fear the cause of

the fear it doesn't matter what the

cause is how the fear of rose that's

what mattered so as you start to see how

your muscles all become real tense and

tight and you start recognize that you

let go more quickly you relax more

easily it come back to the

loving-kindness and you start staying on

the loving-kindness for a little bit

longer and a little bit longer but you

keep going back and forth for a while

eventually that fear will always won't

believe you anymore and then you have

joy and happiness and very tranquil mind

all of these wonderful states will arise

when you let go of this kind

okay as an arruda I was abiding diligent

arted and resolute I considered thus in

nation arose in me and because of the

elation my collective mind fell away

when my collected mine fell away the

radiance and vision of horns disappeared

now what I'm doing is I'm reading you

the short version of this every time he

asked the question what is the cause and

condition of this why did my loving

kindness go away so easily so that's you

always have to ask that question now the

elation is when your mind becomes very

happy and it becomes over happy and then

you focus on the happy feeling and don't

ever let it go oh this is nice i really

like this this is a happy feeling very

good but when you're practicing the way

that i'm showing you a happy feeling and

a painful feeling you treat in the same

way you let the happy feeling be your

relax you come back to your object of

meditation yes it is pleasurable and no

it is not yours and you cannot control

it you will make that happy feeling go

away faster when you try to hold on to

it and try to make it yours so as you

allow this happy feeling to be

and relax and come back to your

meditation you start to get more of a

sense of balance and that's what the

meditation is all about

suppose a man seeking one entrance to a

hidden treasure came came all at once

upon five entrances to a hidden treasure

then elation would arise in him because

of that so too elation arose in me the

radiance and vision of forms disappeared

I considered thus so I shall act so that

neither doubt nor in attention or fear

no relation will arise in me again so

this whole suit is trying to teach you

about having that sense of balance and

all of the different little things that

will knock you off balance as an arruda

I was abiding diligent hearted and

resolute I considered thus inertia arose

in me and because of inertia my

collective mind fell away when I

collected mine fell away the light or

the radiance and vision of forms

disappeared inertia is when you just

don't feel like doing it and you'd

rather just sit there and do nothing

then do the practice and your mind just

kind of dolls out inertia is like you

have a piece of bread and you want to

put some butter on it that's too hard

and you try to spread the butter but it

just tears the bread it just doesn't

spread at all okay that's that kind of

mind it's the mind that has real strong

dullness and then just doesn't feel like

doing

anything so what you need to do is

recognize that and let it be let go of

all of those thoughts about why it's

good to feel this because it is kind of

a pleasurable feeling and you relax and

let there be and then you see that

feeling of the Ole Miss and it's not a

pleasant feeling the thoughts about it

are pleasant but the feeling itself is

tight so you relax and you let that

feeling be there smile come back and you

bounce back and forth with this for a

little while to

okay as an arruda I was abiding diligent

hearted and resolute I considered thus

excess of energy arose in me and because

of excess of energy my collective mind

fell away when my collective mind fell

away the radiance and visions of forms

disappeared suppose a man were to grip a

quail tightly with both hands it would

die than in there so to an excess of

energy arose of me and excess of energy

is restlessness when you try too hard to

control something it will make you rest

it when you have the idea that I want to

have a calm mind and it doesn't become

calm as fast as you want it to then you

try a little harder and your mind

becomes more agitated and more energy

comes in and you have an excess of

energy so you need to ask the question

now that's what I was doing when I was

at the Meditation Center I didn't really

want to be there I wanted to be doing

other things so I was putting too much

energy into trying to control that

desire and because of that I didn't have

any peace or calm at all I had this mind

that was running all over the place

telling me everything that I needed to

do but I was stuck here sitting you've

never had that happen never it's all

very formed

so again this is learning the balance of

the amount of energy you need to put in

if you see that your mind is very

restless and it wants to be doing this

or doing that and you find that you're

not paying attention to what you're

doing in the present moment this is

something that arises during your day

very often is that restlessness and

you're thinking about doing something

else while you're doing this now you

don't do a very good job with this and

quite often you leave that job alone and

go do something else and then you have

to come back and finish this one and

you're always thinking about something

else well you're doing what you're doing

in the present moment it's kind of like

you're leaning out of the present moment

because this present moment isn't quite

the way I wanted to be so I'll try to

get to the next present moment a little

bit more quickly yes well I would say

the best time to meditate would be after

you get up you wash your face cleaned

and eat breakfast and then you're wide

awake now it's good to sit in the

morning and if you have time in the

evening then that's your bonus

meditation time if you save it for the

evening then somebody calls you and they

say we got to go do this and got to do

that and then you say oh I'll meditate

tomorrow and then tomorrow comes

and something else happens excuse me and

then you say well I'll meditate I'll try

to do it tomorrow again sometime should

I wake up if you can but if you always

sit in the morning it's a very nice way

to start the day and then you don't have

to worry about it for the rest of the

day but anytime you have an extra 10 or

15 minutes you can meditate right then

yeah but this is this is after you have

done your minimum okay so if you're you

have an appointment and you're there and

someone is late for the appointment

instead of becoming restless and not

liking that then you start meditating

and get peaceful and calm like today I

went to the doctor office personnel for

half an hour waiting that kind of here

to meditate not really sudden everyone

not really I do it all with that four

hours in the airport to sit down out of

the airport this to my eyes open or

sometimes

so yeah I don't want you want to make

sure you're driving in that oh yeah well

I don't do a full yeah deep meditation I

just focus more on the feeling of loving

kindness and so mundo people sending hat

I'm not so much you know deep into it

but I'm just kind of like your present

moment is driving and so you're watching

your mind and if things go off that is

that what you mean you noticing on your

mind wanders what yeah I just watch I'm

noticing I'm focusing on the feeling of

loving kindness and I'm and I'm noticing

what else pops into my head one driving

and I I just feel very present when I do

that and then I noticed all kinds of

things by the side of the road but I

never noticed before and other things

about where I'm going that I never even

saw before and I'm just kind of

interested in that whole moment okay are

you smiling yeah I'm not to concern

about like getting TV we just all hit

something in the tent arriving well I

think it's important that it's clear

language wise that yesterday you're

right that the object of attention is on

her drawing that's her object a minute

she's putting loving-kindness into her

driving the understand instead aside two

friends she's putting loving kindness

named Jamie baby how my moves while

she's driving you can you ever dry

someplace you go from here to here and

you don't remember anything in between

ever had yeah I'm a better driver I've

never seen no home without knowing how

we get home yeah I better stay off of

this book w Haysom because when I

started yeah I got on a bike and he said

just put loving kindness into riding the

bike and I was going on a 13-mile you

know bike ride but I was new at this and

to be honest I don't know if I i think i

was putting more attention into loving

kindness than the body and I fell and

that's why I'm saying it's important to

be clear that with the moment if you're

doing anything that's that's your yeah

you're not even because what happens is

my thoughts will be going everywhere

like usually I do this at it in it it's

a meta mergency like I'm not really mad

about something or sad or thinking about

everything and so I kind of like start

just releasing those and focusing on

where am i what and trying to notice

things around me and take more interest

in being noticing that moment more fully

right and then all the stuff in there

starts to seem a little ridiculous and

that's what I can laugh and how

seriously I'm taking myself you know and

then I can kind of relax and just again

focus on where i am and instead of all

the thoughts where normally like she

says I'll go 20 minutes and not really

know how I got that right and this this

is a division of your attention on your

task and what happens if you practice

you get better at being able to focus on

a task when you're doing something in a

present moment instead of having a lot

of stuff and only putting part of your

mind

you're doing at work or driving or

walking or anything well let's give an

example let's say that somebody at work

right before you go home they say

something and you don't like that now

you're angry how did you get from your

office and being angry to your car do

you remember not really because you're

thinking about that dirty no-good I hate

this and I don't like that and then you

get into the car and you start to drive

but are you driving yeah you're thinking

yeah same thoughts over and over again

so you're not driving and you back up

and you hit something why did you do to

have that happen because you weren't

paying attention to the present moment

you were parading attention to what

happened five minutes ago or ten minutes

ago and not liking that well husbands

are good for blaming but you see when

you when you're practicing

loving-kindness you see those repeat

thoughts and you go up there's an

attachment and you laugh at being so

serious now you're more in the present

moment and it's only this anger I don't

need to be angry now now you're very

much in the present moment when you

start smiling

black on that deal with it the next day

yes if you need to most of the time you

don't so it's it's a other way of being

happy in the present moment instead of

thinking about something else while I'm

doing this do you understand how scary

it is to be where there's a lot of cars

on a freeway when somebody gets angry

it's another person that's good I start

backing away no no no no I don't want to

be around this I like it where I am

where I see four or five cars in one day

that's enough yeah but that's when you

start putting in too much energy into

disliking it and wanting it to be

different than it is and taking it

personally and holding on to it and

having your repeat thought over and over

again when you can laugh at that after

yourself for being caught again you'd

think I'd learn my cousin see her

husband passed away a year ago announces

bounces have all kind of here and war

about everything and anything so maybe I

should bring her here let her listen to

the present moment and be happy present

moment the worry about the path of the

future the grief it can manifest in a

lot of different ways for some people

grief that is anger for some people

briefed manifested it ran a festive

sphere but it's still part of the grief

and identifying with not liking the your

husband dying and wishing it was

different than is and that's sort of

thing so learning how to be in the

present moment it helps to relieve that

grief so it's not so painful anymore

this is a sin thing bad thing somebody

you angle is it a sin there's no such a

thing as sin look at how men you cause

yourself for holding onto that danger do

you cause yourself pain look at out

tight you are look at how many times

that thought what you think and ponder

on that's the inclination of your mind

that means the more you think about how

you don't like that person the more

you're going to think about not liking

that person the more you're going to be

out of the present moment and thinking

thinking thinking thinking thinking and

that's how accidents occur but then if

you think of something bad about that

person and you wouldn't the nothing but

I put you feel good but you don't really

you don't really and then when the

angles over then get them Canada but

indifference is part of this like

and this light causes tension and

tightness and this light will come up

again very strong with another situation

that similar comes up only it comes up

stronger because the past dislike is

still there now you have the past

dislike with the present dislike so it

pulls your mind way far away and causes

you much more pain you see your mind

becoming more and more serious all the

time and that's painful because a couple

of days ago I was talking up a friend

who can read my can't that wasn't house

and she threatened to hurt me so I ran

she went after me I got in my car ran

and so then I had that thought about

nothing can happen to him well what did

I what did I read at the first part of

this suta hatred can never be overcome

by hatred hatred can only be overcome by

love this is an eternal law it's the way

it is no matter what so you start

holding kind and loving thoughts towards

that person instead of angry thoughts

and they will start to change as you

King you become more happy they become