From: https://youtube.com/watch?v=THyhazOcAkY

Context: Throughout this transcript, Bhante Vimalaramsi is the speaker unless otherwise indicated.

so i'm going to give you the entire

assembly of the saw

thus as i heard on one occasion the

blessed one was living at sawatee and

jettas grove vanathan bendika's park

now on that occasion the venerable malia

paguna was associating

over much with bikunis

he was associating so much with

bhikkhunis

that if a bhikkhu spoke this praise

of those bikunis in his presence

he would become angry and displeased and

he would make a case of it

and if any bhikkhu

spoke this praise of the venerable malia

paguna

in those bhikkhuni's presence they would

become

angry and displeased and make a case of

it

so much was the venerable malaya pagoona

associating with bikunis

then a certain monk

went to the blessed one after paying

homage to him

sat down at one side and told the

blessed one

what was taking place

then the blessed one addressed a certain

monk thus

come monk tell the monk

malia paguna in

in the teachers in the name that

in my name that the teacher calls him

yes venerable sir he replied

and he went to the venerable malia

paguna

and told him the teacher called you

friend paguna

yes friend he replied

and he went to the blessed one after

paying homage to him

sat down at one side the blessed one

asked him paguna is it true that you're

associating over much with bikunis

that you're associating so much with the

bikunis

that if any bhikkhu speaks this praise

of those bikunis in your presence

you become angry and displeased and make

a case of it

and if any monk

speaks to pr this praise

and me of those bikunis

in those bikuni's presence they become

angry and displeased and make a case of

it

are you associating so much with bikunis

as it seems

yes venerable sir

paguna

are you not a clansmen who's gone forth

from

out of faith from the home life into

homelessness

yes venerable sir paguna it is not

proper for you

a klansman gone forth out of faith

from the home life into homelessness to

associate over much with bhikkhunis

therefore if anyone speaks displeasure

of those bikunis in your presence

you should abandon any desire and any

thoughts based on the household life

in other words let go of your attachment

stop hanging out with

bikuni so much

and herein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected and i shall

utter no evil words

i shall abide compassionate for his

welfare

with a mind of loving kindness without

inner hate

that is how you should train baguna

so what he's saying the buddha is saying

is

whoever is giving criticism

instead of getting angry with them and

becoming displeased

you should train by

sending loving and kind thoughts to that

person not by arguing with them

sounds like pretty good advice doesn't

it

if anyone gives those bikunis a blow

with his hand

with a clod with a stick or with a knife

in your presence

you should abandon any desires or

thoughts on the household life

fighting verbally with them

now if i were to see

a bikuni being struck by someone else

i would stand in between them and say

please don't do that

in other words not get in a

physical altercation but just get in the

way of somebody that's doing something

wrong

that's the job of the monks

and herein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected

and i shall utter no evil words

i shall abide compassionate for his

welfare with a mind of loving kindness

without inner

hate if anyone speaks this praise

in your presence you should abandon

any desire and any thoughts based on the

household life

in other words not

get angry say words that

later you wish you didn't say

do things later that you wish you didn't

do

and herein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected

and i shall utter no evil words i shall

abide compassionate for his welfare with

a mind of loving kindness without inner

hatred

in other words it's best not to say

anything and just radiate

loving-kindness to that person

so what's what's the big deal

they come up and somebody comes up at

you i don't care it can be your boss

it can be another person that you deal

with

daily they come up at you with their

anger

because of something

what is your job

radiate loving kindness to that person

don't pay attention to what they're

saying

it doesn't matter what they're saying

and they can be really ready for blows

but when you start radiating loving

kindness one of two things will happen

either they'll turn around and walk away

or they'll start calming down

it happens

people that are angry when you see them

really going at each other

you start radiating loving kindness to

both of them you know how much

they're suffering

so you start radiating loving kindness

to them

and when you do that it starts

changing the situation

before long they're not yelling at each

other so much anymore they're starting

to talk to each other and as you

continue

loving kind giving them loving kindness

you can see in their faces that all of a

sudden they start lightening up

and becoming happy and they

can even start laughing with each other

now this has happened more than one time

and what they do then

is they say well i've got to go do this

i've got to go do that

thanks bonte and then they leave

and i haven't said anything

i haven't tried to get them to stop

they feel that loving-kindness coming

towards them

and they can't hold on to that anger

then

or that dissatisfaction

so i'm teaching you

a skill that you can use

any time the trick is

to remember to do it

not get caught up in the emotional

nonsense and rubbish

if anyone should give you a blow with

his hand with a clod with a stick or

with a knife

you should abandon any desires and any

thoughts based on the household life

therein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected and i shall

of

utter no evil words i shall abide

compassionate for his welfare

with a mind of loving kindness without

inner hate

that is how you should train

one time i was taking a a

flight somewhere i don't remember but i

do

remember that we stopped in hong kong

and i had to change planes

so i'm walking down the hallway and

this man comes up to me and slaps me in

the face

and i said why did you do that

he said oh you hurry krishna i hate

hare krishna they're always trying to

you're always trying to get something

from me

and i said well i'm a buddhist monk

and i'm not a hare krishna no

don't do that again please

and then he started settling down

and we started talking and he actually

wound up

buying me lunch

because i didn't give him a kind of

response of

anger is coming at me i'm going to turn

it around and give it back

i was completely shocked that he did it

why did you do that that was dumb

then the blessed one addressed the monks

thus

monks there was an occasion when the

monk satisfied my mind

here i addressed the monks thus

monks i eat at a single session

by doing so i'm free from illness and

affliction and

enjoy brightness strength and a

comfortable abiding

i said talking about when

when the buddha first started teaching

the monks could eat any time during the

day

and then uh they would eat an

evening meal and they would try to walk

back to the monastery

at night and they'd fall into holes and

cesspools

and bump into sleeping

cows and scare people

because they couldn't see so the buddha

said

don't eat an evening meal

and rather than the monks complaining

because that's the best meal of the day

they just said okay

so the buddha came up with some rules

about

when you could eat and when you can't

you can start eating a half an hour

before sunrise

up to high noon no

food the rest of the day

and so the monks actually

wind up fasting for about 16 hours a day

and it you get very nice and healthy

when you do that it's an

interesting phenomena that if i feel a

cold coming on

i take some vitamin c some

if i have vitamin d3 around i'll take a

bunch of those

lay down and rest

now you have a you have a window that's

about an hour

when you start feeling sore throat you

start

feeling achy if you start taking rest

then and taking your vitamin c's

a cold will last oh sometimes as much as

six hours

i learned this in burma because i was

staying in kind of a

dormitory situation where there was a

lot of monks in a small area

and i felt a cold coming on

and rather than get

up go into the meditation hall try to

power my through

my way through the cold

i just laid down and rest

every four hours i would take more

vitamin c

and by the end of the day i was ready to

continue on

but all of the other monks that did that

started to feel a cold coming on they

tried to power their way through it

and they wound up having a cold for at

least a week

so which is more skillful to do

so listen to your body

oh i've got to go to work no you don't

you've got to take care of yourself pay

attention to what your body is doing

i don't eat when i feel a cold coming on

i will not eat

all i do is drink water

and what happens in your body is the

enzymes that go

to digest food they start

wandering around your body in different

places and they start

eating away the cause of the cold

and sometimes

i'll feel okay but still tired

so i just keep lying down

taking rest not reading

not doing anything on a computer

not anything but rest

there was a cold that was coming through

one time that

it wasn't a cold it was some kind of

major flu

and i started feeling it coming on so

i just laid down and started taking rest

and didn't take any food

for three or four days

and kept just resting

after a while you get kind of stiff from

lying down so get up and sit in a chair

for a little while

then go back and lay down again

and this particular cold this was some

years ago

this particular kind of sickness

when people got it it lasted about six

weeks

after four days i didn't have it anymore

then i started eating a little bit of

rice soup things like that

and after the second day i was just

eating

normal meal and i didn't have it i

didn't have any kind of

problem at all

eating

can cause problems

oh i have to eat every day or i'm going

to die

when i was in australia

i was eating one meal a day just like i

do right now

although people are starting to give me

more things in the morning

at home i don't do those things i drink

a cup of coffee that's it

for my breakfast

anyway it got to be springtime

and i started going where the monks were

eating breakfast

and i started nibbling a little bit of

this and

nibbling a little bit of that

and after

a week or so i started catching a cold

i immediately stopped eating

took rest and from then on i only ate

one meal a day

and i was healthy

an awful lot of people have this idea if

i don't eat

food then i'm gonna i am gonna get sick

and it's just the opposite

so you need to pay attention to your

your body what your body says

not what your mind says your mind says

yeah i gotta eat or else i'm just not

gonna make it

that's how some monks show that they

don't they aren't attached to food

come monks eat at a single session

by doing so you will be free from

illness and affliction

and you will enjoy lightness strength

and a comfortable

abiding

and i had no need to keep on instructing

those

monks i only had to arouse mindfulness

in them

suppose there were a chariot on even

ground at a crossroads

harnessed to thoroughbreds wading with a

goat

lying ready

so that a skilled trainer a charioteer

or a horse tamer might mount it

taking the reins in his left hand and

the goat in his right hand

might drive out and back

at any road whatever he likes

so too i had no need

to keep instructing those monks

i only had to arouse mindfulness in them

therefore monks abandon what is

unwholesome and devote yourself

to wholesome states

for that is how you will come to growth

increase and fulfillment in this dhamma

and discipline suppose there was a big

salad tree grove

near a village or a town and it was

choked with castor oil weeds

and some men would appear

desiring its good welfare and protection

he would cut down and throw out the

crooked saplings

that robbed the sap he would clean up

the interior of the grove

and tend the straight well-formed

saplings

so that the sala tree grove later would

come to growth

increase and fulfillment

so too monks abandon

what is unwholesome devote yourself to

wholesome

states for that is how you will come to

growth

increase and fulfillment in this dhamma

and discipline

another thing about eating

that is rather important an

awful lot of people

when they eat they don't chew their food

very much

and they have a tendency to get sick

in uh another one of the

nikayas it talks about the way the

buddha ate his food

and it says that he didn't swallow his

food

till every grain of rice was chewed at

least once

so when you're eating your food

you want to eat and chew

until it turns liquid in your mouth

and then swallow it

by doing that you become much more

healthy

i had some friends that were doctors

and they would come and they would bring

food just wonderful

food and they would go to another table

and eat and within three minutes

they were done with their food now these

are doctors

and say why are you eating so fast

oh because we have to we've been trained

to eat fast

well i say train yourself to eat slow

and chew

your food doctors grow

they die younger than most other people

because they really don't take care of

their bodies very well

and people that are very fat

they put food in their mouth two

two or three times swallow so they have

these big

lumps that get in the stomach

and your body has their body has a hard

time digesting it

and they have all kinds of illnesses

and problems so

chewing your food

and eating at an

even rate

leads to your happiness and well-being

for a lot longer

period of time

formerly monks in the same sawat

in this same sawati there was

a housewife named vedica

and a good report of mistress vedica

with spread thus

mistress fedeca is gentle

mistress vedica is meek

mistress vedica is peaceful

now mistress mistress fedeca

had a maid named callie who was clever

nimble and neat in her work

the maid callie thought good report of

my lady has spread thus

mistress fedeca is gentle meek and

peaceful now

is it how is it now

well she does not show anger it is

nonetheless

actually present in her or is it absent

or else is it just because my my work is

neat and my lady shows no anger though

it actually is present in her

suppose i test my lady

so the maid callie got up late

when mistress fedeca said hey callie

what is it madam

what's the matter that you get up so

late

nothing is the matter madam

nothing is the matter you wicked girl

you get up so late

and she was angry and displeased and

scowled

then the the maid cali thought

the fact is while my lady does not show

anger it's actually present in her not

absent

and it's just because my work is neat

that my lady

shows no anger though it's actually

present in her not absent suppose

i test my lady a little more

so the maid cali got up later in the day

then mistress vedica said hey callie

what is it madam what's the matter that

you get up later in the day

nothing is the matter madam

nothing is a matter you wicked girl

yet you get up later in the day and she

was angry and displeased and she spoke

words of displeasure

then the maid cali thought

the fact is while my lady does not show

anger it's

actually present and her not absent

and it's because my work is neat that my

lady shows no anger though it's actually

present in her

not absent suppose i test my lady

a little more

so the maid cali got up still later in

the day

then the mistress fedeca said hey callie

what is it madam what's the matter with

you that you

get up still later in the day

nothing is a matter madam nothing is a

matter you wicked girl

yet you get up still later in the day

and she was angry and displeased and she

took a rolling pin

and gave her a blow on the head and cut

her head

then the maid callie with blood

flowing from a cut in her head denounced

her mistress

to the neighbors

see ladies the gentle ladies work

see ladies the meek ladies work

see ladies the peaceful ladies work

how can she become angry and displeased

with her only made for getting up late

how can she take a rolling pin and give

her a blow on the head and

cut her head

then later

a bad report of mistress fedeca spread

thus

mistress fedeca is rough

mistress fedeca is violent

mistress fedeca is merciless

so too monks some

monk is extremely gentle extremely

meek extremely peaceful so long as

disagreeable courses of speech do not

touch him

but it is when disagreeable

courses of speech touch him that it can

be

understood whether that monk is really

kind gentle and peaceful

i do not call a monk easy to admonish

who is easy to admonish and makes

himself

easy to admonish only

for the sake of getting robes alms food

resting place and medicines

why is that because that monk

is not easy to admonish or makes himself

easy to admonish when he gets no robes

alms food

resting place or medicinal requisites

when a monk is easy to admonish and

makes himself

easy to admonish because he

honors respects and reveres the dhamma

him i call easy to admonish

when i was in sri lanka there was a

a young salmonera he must have been 12

years old

and he was

basically getting into trouble about

every day

and they would tell him to stop doing

this or that

he he liked to tease the dog and make

him snap

and things like that and the dog started

getting mean

and they told him over and over again

don't do that

so the head monk comes to me and he said

i want you

to admonish this salmonera

and i said okay

so i called him into my room i didn't

say

anything to him but i i let the dog into

my room and i just started petting the

dog and

talking to the dog in a nice way

and he started feeling guilty for

treating the dog the way he had

and he stopped doing that

now admonishing someone else doesn't

necessarily

mean saying something to him

it means being the example

i could have gotten angry at him for

causing pain to some

some other being but i didn't

and then he started reading

let's call it layman magazines

where he would have lust or dislike come

up in his mind

and they found the books

and again they said well can you

admonish him

okay he came into the room

i just started radiating loving-kindness

and i didn't pay attention to him at all

and then after about a half an hour i

said okay

go away he stopped doing that

see how easy it is to correct other

people's mistakes

by your example

by radiating loving kindness

and after that he was he would follow me

around like a little puppy dog he really

liked being beside me

and talking to him and things like that

but i wouldn't do it if he was going to

act in a way that wasn't right

and it was real important for him

that i liked him so he would act

very kindly

now i was there for

a month

i had the head monk right back to me

after i left

and he said that he was amazed at how

good that little boy was behaving

and he asked me how i admonished him i

said

all i did really was showing

how to have loving kindness

and radiate loving kindness to him i was

radiating loving-kindness to the dog

when i was scratching the dog

and that's all he needed to get straight

he knew that that was a good thing

so why not carry

a lesson like that with you into your

daily activities

you don't have to speak harshly to other

people

you can be kind you can radiate

loving-kindness to them

oh but if i'm kind and loving they're

going to take advantage of me

no they don't

that's one of the big worries in asia

if i'm kind to somebody they're they're

going to take advantage and they're

always going to start demanding that you

be kind to them

it's easy to radiate loving kindness all

the time

that's what this suta is about

learning how to radiate loving kindness

so that you start affecting the world

around you

in a positive way

and there are some times

when you see somebody and

you just don't get a good feeling from

them

and you let your mind start to

think about oh you don't like that

person i don't want to be around that

person they're they're

loud they're boisterous

they're highly emotional

this is one of the things that happens

in

asia a lot of people that are

really suffering a lot

they come and spend time at the

monasteries

because they feel

good at the monasteries they feel like

people

love them and appreciate them at the

monasteries and their behavior starts to

change

so it's a real necessary part of the

spiritual practice

to share your loving kindness

with other beings as much as you can

remember to do that

while i was in malaysia

there were people that were going in the

hospital

with pretty major diseases

and they were getting close to death so

they would ask me to come

and see them at the hospital and after a

while there were so many people that

were asking me i was going about every

day

so i would

walk into the hospital walk to their

room

stop and remind myself

that whatever pain they have is

theirs i cannot

take their pain away from them

but i can love them so i started

radiating loving kindness as i was

walking in the room

and often people said you know every

time you come in the room it's like

fresh air coming in the room

because i wasn't trying to make them

better

all i was doing was loving them the way

they were

i would walk in the room and they would

be in extreme pain and they would be

moaning and groaning

and after a couple minutes

they started quieting down they started

feeling better

because i was radiating loving kindness

to them

their mind came up to where my mind was

i didn't walk in and go oh you poor dear

i feel so sorry for you

i didn't do that they have pain

okay it's theirs i can't take your pain

away

i can't your pain is your pain

but i can love you

and it was always so interesting going

in

and it looked like i wasn't doing

anything in particular

but they always felt better after i left

and i would say things that would make

them laugh

and they felt a lot better when they did

that

but i didn't try to make them healthy

i didn't try to make them happy

i didn't try to make them change so that

they would

all of a sudden get jump out of bed and

start doing cartwheels

all i did was love them and sometimes

they would get better and come out of

the hospital

and and live longer lives sometimes they

didn't sometimes they died

and that was okay

it had to be okay because that was the

truth

the worst thing that happens when

somebody is sick

is the feeling of helplessness

you feel like well there's nothing i can

do

so you go visit this sick person and you

come into the room and you see them

suffering and you start

oh i'm scared and you don't say anything

but you're putting off a feeling of

aversion

and then they go into the room and they

straighten a pillow and they close a

window or

open a window and then they go well i'll

see you later

and they leave and they feel very

inadequate

and sad that's a feeling of helplessness

you don't have to be helpless you can

help

just by radiating loving kindness to

that person

it helps them a lot

you can radiate loving kindness to the

family members that feel completely

helpless

you can talk to the family members about

just start giving love

do that as much as you can don't push it

don't force anything on the person but

love them that's enough

you don't feel helpless

they appreciate your coming

the thing that everybody wants

in life i don't care

who it is everybody wants to be loved

so do it

send them love

you can't give something to somebody

else that you don't have

so you have to give yourself some loving

kindness too

you have to bring up a feeling of loving

kindness

feel that loving kindness and then give

it away

that's the first part of meditation

practicing your generosity

ah the monks talking about generosity i

better

put my hand on my pocket because that's

my money pocket

the kind of generosity that i'm talking

about

is giving your

happiness to other people

giving your joy to other people

affect the world around you in a

positive way

i love to go into big stores

where we live

the about the only place we can get

food buy food is at walmart

i know it's a dirty word but there

that's the only place available so

that's where we go

and these

a mother will be there and the baby is

crying a lot

i want this i want that

so what i do is i go stand beside a cart

and i start radiating loving kindness to

that baby

and they stop they stop crying and they

look at me with this look of wonder

on their face and i smile to them

and then i say something to their to mom

who's been hassled because a baby's

crying so

much and i say something about them

being very good little children

and how lucky they are

and then i walk away

how did i affect the world around me

do you see how it works

practice that as much as you can

remember to practice it

this is not just a sitting practice this

is an all the time practice

the more you can remember to send love

and kind thoughts to other people

the easier life becomes and you start

seeing true miracles occur

there was a lady that

i was in the hospital

this boy came up to me and said my

mother just got out of an operation they

cut open her stomach and she has cancer

can you go see her so sure

why not so i went

and she was in the recovery room

and she was knocked out

and she had a mask and it was a clear

mask

over her mouth and she was getting

oxygen

so okay that's fine so i started

radiating loving kindness to her

now she was under anesthetic she

didn't really know that i was there i

didn't think

quite often students would come with me

to the hospital because they liked doing

that sort of thing

and being inspired and that sort of

thing

and my student came up and said

look at her i had my eyes closed i

wasn't really

doing anything but just radiating a

happy feeling

so i opened up my eyes and i looked down

at her

and she had this huge smile

she wasn't even conscious and she saw

the effect of that

this stuff works but

you have to practice it

and there's not one situation that

doesn't get

better when you practice loving guidance

that's why this says

that there's great benefit

and you become prosperous when you start

giving all the time

everything becomes easier

when you start trusting dhamma

dhamma will take care of you

i don't worry about things

things happen okay fine

they don't happen okay it'll happen

another way

uh

we have a treasurer at

uh damasuka that gets real concerned

when the money starts

getting low

and he he comes to me and he said we've

only got enough money to last

one more month and that's it

i don't okay fine

it's me worried i said

nothing to worry about and then somebody

the next day or two sends us five

thousand dollars

oh that's enough to keep going for

another few months

don't worry about it when you take care

of dhamma

dhamma takes care of you you don't

always get what you want

but you always get what you need

and it really does work that way

so the more you can practice your

generosity and giving kind speech

kind thoughts

kind actions

you will start to notice that everything

in your life is easier

you need something to happen you don't

know how it's going to happen

don't worry about it just keep giving

and all of a sudden miracles start

happening

it's pretty remarkable

we have a dining hall

very big and the library above the

dining hall

and

we had somebody that was building

that wasn't building the way we wanted

it built

and we wound up

having to let that person go and find

somebody else and we found the perfect

person that could fix all the stuff that

they screwed up

and made it the way we want it

and now that is a

very very beautiful building

and it has a lot of good feeling in it

because

that that builder

he took joy in doing things and

making things right

and he wound up building our meditation

hall

it's an incredibly beautiful place

it's really wonderful when you walk in

you really feel good

how did i build that

i don't have any money

money just started coming in

i pointed my mind in the direction we

need this

it doesn't happen as fast as we want

sometimes

but that doesn't matter

before too long we're going to be doing

a lot more building

for the women's section

for having a meeting hall

where the women can come and if they

want to be

nuns they can come and ordain

they'll have a place they'll have all

the food they need

all the requisites are there

but we don't have any money

why worry about it it'll come

when it's when it's time

so the less you worry about

things the more you spend

radiating loving-kindness and

giving it away the more you will start

to see

wonderful things happening in your life

there was a lady that came to me

and she said when her her father died

when she was 17 and she was supposed to

inherit

a huge amount of money

but her uncle took it

and she had hated him

well she was in her 40s so it was

a lot of years hated him for doing that

to her

so she said what am i supposed to do

with this

i'm so angry because he took something

that wasn't his

so i said well forgive him

he made a mistake okay he made a mistake

so what

so she did she forgave him in her mind

and she started feeling a lot lighter

and a lot happier

she got off retreat went home he called

her up

and asked her to forgive him

and she said i already did

now that's a miracle

holding on to unwholesome states

leads to your sadness and suffering

radiating loving kindness and kind

feelings

saying things that are kind to other

people and make them happy

think happy thoughts

that leads to your happiness and

well-being for a long time

that's what this teaching is all about

it's not about

getting something it's about

giving something

okay

monks there are five courses of speech

that others may use when they address

you

their speech may be timely or untimely

true or untrue gentle or

harsh connected with good or

with harm spoken with a mind of loving

kindness or with inner hatred

when others address you their speech may

be timely or untimely

when others address you their speech may

be true or untrue when others address

you their speech may be

gentle or harsh when others address you

their speech may be connected with good

or

with harm when others address you their

speech may be spoken with a mind of

loving kindness or with inner hate

you should train thus

our minds will remain unaffected and we

shall utter no

evil words we shall abide compassionate

for their welfare

with a mind of loving kindness

without inner hate we shall

abide pervading that person with a mind

imbued with loving kindness

and starting with him we shall abide

pervading the all-encompassing world

with a mind imbued with loving kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable without

hostility and without ill will

that is how you should train

sounds like pretty good advice to me

you know there's some people that get

really upset

because somebody says something they

know it's not true

oh you're lying to me and i get angry

what difference does it make honestly

what difference does it make

you can make yourself happy you can make

yourself sad it's up to you what you

choose

but everybody that you meet

and you speak with them you use

them as your reminder to send loving and

kind thoughts to them do you know them

maybe not complete stranger so

that's fine and use that person

as their reminder for the rest of the

time

to radiate loving kindness to all beings

in all the directions

i try to get you to smile

why because when you smile you have a

light mind

and it helps joy arise

when you have joy in your mind

your awareness is very quick

your mind is very clear it's not clouded

with nonsense and rubbish thoughts

and it's real easy to see when that joy

disappears and your mind starts to get

caught up in something

that's why smiling is such a necessary

part of the practice

it helps your mindfulness to get better

there was somebody in australia

that started writing to me and they said

i've been practicing

absorption concentration for seven years

i don't see any personality development

do you teach something different than

that i said yes

will you teach me yes

okay all you have to do

is when you're doing your breathing

meditation on the in-breath

relax on the out breath

relax if there's a distraction

let it be relax

smile and come back to the breath

and relax on me and breath and relax on

the out breath

but he'd been developing this for seven

years

and he would forget

and i kept telling him over and over the

same thing but he wasn't getting it

and i started getting

tired of doing that so i said okay

now i want you to change your meditation

because you have this old habit of

practicing in this way let's give you

something new and exciting that you have

to start all over again

loving-kindness meditation

he came back and he started saying well

my mind takes off all over the place i'm

going to go back to the breathing

at least i get happy when i'm doing that

no don't do that learn

about the hindrances and that sort of

thing and we went back and forth quite a

bit

and finally i got so fed up with him

that i told him i don't want you to sit

for a week

all i want you to do

is smile all day

and when you forget to smile

then laugh

and i didn't hear from him

and a week later he writes back and he

said i

took what you said very seriously

and this is what happened in my practice

i didn't sit in meditation at all

but i started smiling

and i started noticing that

always before when i was walking from

one place to another i was in this

mental haze

my head was down and i was just caught

up in nonsense stuff

when i started smiling my posture

changed and i started looking around

and i started smiling and

people actually smiled back

and he said they never did that before

and he said you know even when i didn't

feel like smiling i would smile anyway

and my mind was always better because i

was smiling

and he gave me a whole bunch of

different examples of

the advantage of smiling

and then i wrote to him

and i said have you noticed that your

mindfulness is a little different

and he said i didn't even know what

mindfulness was

and yeah now my mindfulness is very

sharp

and then he said something to me that

was rather a shock

he said the doctors saw me

and now i don't have to take so many

drugs

drugs but what are we talking about here

drugs he said well i'm in a mental

institute

i have this bipolar problem

and they they drug me out so heavy that

all i do

is just i'm a zombie

and now they're seeing me smile and

interact with other people and talk

with them and they thought that was a

good sign so they stopped giving me so

much drugs

when he went in to that

institute they told him he was going to

be there for the rest of his life

he practiced loving kindness meditation

and smiling for about six months and he

moved out

and he's on his own now he still goes

through

through his ups and downs

but he doesn't have to take so many

heavy drugs

now isn't that a miracle

i mean really

the more we can remember to keep

smiling and radiating loving-kindness to

other people no matter what they

say to us

the happier our mind becomes the happier

we become

the more we affect people around us

in a nice way

monks suppose a man came with a hoe

in a basket and said i shall make

this great earth be without earth

and he would dig here in there and

strewn the soil

here and there and spit here in there

and urinate here and there

saying be without earth be without earth

what do you think monks could that man

make this great earth be without earth

no venerable sir why is that

because this great great earth is

deep and immeasurable and it's not easy

to make it

be without earth eventually the man

would

reap weariness and disappointment

so too monks there are these five

courses of speech that others may

use when they address you their speech

may be timely or untimely true or

untrue gentle or harsh connected with

good or

with harm spoken with a mind of loving

kindness

or with inner hate when others address

you their speech may be timely or

untimely when others address you their

speech may be true or untrue

when others address you their speech may

be gentle or

harsh when others address you their

speech may be connected with good or

with harm

when others address you their speech may

be spoken with a mind of loving kindness

or with inner hate

wherein you should train thus

our mind will remain unaffected

and we shall utter no evil words

we shall abide compassionate for their

welfare with a mind of loving kindness

without inner hate

we shall abide pervading that person

with a mind imbued with loving kindness

and starting

with him we shall abide pervading the

all-encompassing world with a mind

imbued with loving-kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable without

hostility and ill will

that is how you should train

monks suppose a man came with crimson

tumeric indigo and carmen and said

i shall draw pictures and make pictures

appear

on empty space

what do you think monks would that man

draw pictures

and make pictures appear on empty space

no venerable sir why is that

because space is formless and

non-manifestive

it's not easy to draw pictures or make

pictures appear there eventually

that man would reap only weariness and

disappointment

so too monks there are these five

courses of speech

that others may use when they address

you

their speech may be timely or untimely

true or untrue gentle or harsh

connected with good or with harm

spoken with a mind of loving kindness or

with inner hate when others address you

their speech may be

timely or untimely when others address

you their speech may be true or

untrue when others address you their

speech may be

gentle or harsh when others address you

their speech may be connected with good

or with harm when others address you

their speech may be spoken with a mind

of loving kindness or

with inner hate

herein you should train thus

our minds will remain unaffected and we

shall utter no evil words

we shall abide compassionate for their

welfare with a mind of loving kindness

without inner hate and we shall abide

pervading that person with a mind imbued

with loving kindness

and starting with him we shall

abide pervading the all-encompassing

world

with a mind imbued with loving-kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable

without hostility and without ill will

that is how we should train

monks even if bandits

were to sever you sabot savagely

limb by limb with a two-handed saw

he who gave rise to one

thought moment of hatred towards them

would not be carrying out my teaching

that's fairly radical

you should train thus our minds will be

unaffected and we shall utter no evil

words

we shall abide compassionate for their

welfare with a mind of lovingkindness

without inner hate

we shall abide pervading them with a

mind imbued with lovingkindness and

starting with them

we shall abide pervading the

all-encompassing world with a mind

imbued with loving kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable

without hostility and without ill will

that is how you should train

monks if you keep this advice on the

simile of the saw

constantly in mind do you

see any course of speech trivial

or gross that you could not endure

no venerable sir therefore

monks you should keep this advice on the

simile of the saw

constantly in your mind

that will lead to your welfare and

happiness

for a long time

that's what the blessed one said the

monks were satisfied and delighted in

the blessed one's words

so this is the last day of the retreat

and a lot of people

ask me now what

i think that you should be sitting

for at least

45 minutes a day and if you can sit for

longer if you have time to sit longer

please do that

smile lots

wish other people happiness

lots

the whole of this talk has been about

what you can do to affect yourself

and others around you

so that's how you practice

do it often you see

your mind starts to get a little upset

about something start sending yourself

loving kindness

and use yourself as a reminder to start

sending other people loving kindness

this is not a sometime practice

this isn't all the time practice

one of the problems that a lot of zen

people

when they first came here to this

country they said meditation is sitting

that's it sit

don't say anything sit that's it

well they're missing out on three

quarters of what the practice actually

is

you practice your generosity as much as

you can

wishing other people happiness

and watch how much easier everything

becomes

when you do that you are taking care of

the dhamma

and because you take care of the dhamma

the dhamma does

take care of you

watch how it happens

okay now

do you have any questions last

questions yes

i don't know because i'm not there

i know that for jesus there were some

moments of doubt father why have you

forsaken me

that's not a wholesome thing

but he certainly seemed to not give

anger back

at least

who knows for sure unless you're there

and he could have been

using words that weren't very nice while

he was being tortured

who knows

but there is a story in the

in the tradica tales about the

bodhisattva

he was about a year and a half old

he was a prince

and his mother really

liked him a lot he was out she was

always playing with him and being with

him and

and one day the king walked in the room

and said something to the queen his

mother

and he didn't hear or she didn't hear

what he said

and he got angry so he called his

executioner

and he said in his mind he's thinking

you know what's going to happen is

this young boy is going to grow up and

he's going to get a little older and

then he's going to

absurd usurp me and and

i'm not going to be king anymore and i

don't want that to happen

and she he's going to have the support

of the mother

so when he called the executioner the

executioner comes

and the king says take off his hands

and when the bodhisattva now he's only a

year and a half

when he hears this he he sees this

as an opportunity to practice

loving-kindness to all the different

kinds of beings

loving kindness to somebody that he

dearly loved

loving kindness to himself loving

kindness to a neutral person

loving kindness to an enemy

so he started focusing on loving

kindness

as he had his hands chopped off

and the mother was completely shocked by

that

and she had his hands in her in her

lap and she was crying and

the bodhisatta didn't cry

when he had his hands cut off because he

was focusing on loving kindness

and it made the king that much more

angry

so he said lop off his feet

so the executioner cut off his feet

still didn't cry finally the king says

ah this is really a disgusting little

child

just cut off his head

and he did and

because he was focusing on loving

kindness

he was reborn in a devaloka in a happy

existence

and he didn't

entertain one thought of dissatisfaction

because

that was what was happening to him in

the moment

so he was the example of doing that in

one of his past lifetimes

at least one

okay

anybody else

so you don't have any questions that

means

everybody knows exactly what they're

doing

is this talk on your

website yes more than one time

can we get an email with the talk you

gave and where they correspond

we're gonna do better than that we're

putting it on youtube and you can

see it yeah there's already an online

retreat

playlist on youtube on the begin to see

channel it's all linked up on the front

page wow

and it's it it goes through all these

talks

and this talk is at the end and uh

you've got 38 you've got 20. i mean

you've got all the talks

they're right there just go right

through them

and you can do an online retreat

and still do your your business

daily activity kind of stuff

what we want you to do is a morning

service

when you get up and then sit for one

hour

then go to work now your

your job while you're at work is to

smile a lot

and practice your loving kindness and

then at lunch

time if you have some time

sit in meditation when you get

home you write to us

and tell us how your meditation is going

we have some comments back to you

then we tell you a suit to listen to

after that sit in meditation for at

least

another hour

these retreats are eight days eight days

long

eight days

they start on a friday night with an

introduction from you

to like whoever's teaching it okay

your background and then your day one

report is on

saturday and it runs until the following

sunday

so you can keep your practice going

pretty well

and it's really kind of a remarkable

thing how you continue to progress

just by doing the online retreat

we have prashant here tonight he says

today's for the day he did an online

retreat that's how he found out about us

and was introduced to the practice

so he came here and he sat an hour the

first time and then i said get off the

floor and get in the chair he sat two

hours

so he's doing you know he really

understands the practice

you really it's a good way to introduce

you to it and a lot of people

last year i don't remember david how

many i think it's like seven or eight

when they

came during the summer tv center after

they had done a retreat

during the year that's the idea

it's like to get you in touch or if

you're already practicing

to keep you in tune

and they're once a month

and if you want to join you have to sign

up

okay there's not going to be one in may

but there will be one in june

and then it will go to rest okay

whatever yeah

i would suggest that you go to the

website there's many

hundreds of talks that you can listen to

there's many hundreds of talks that that

are on youtube

and that can help you a lot and i have

to tell you

i listen to my own talks

and i get excited listening to them

and i keep wanting

do an online retreat with yourself

so anything else

i have a question about the analogy that

the buddha uses

for instance the dirt and drawing in the

air

and then he goes and gives the direction

to

of loving kindness i don't see the

connection

i didn't see the connection about the

impossibility of trying to draw

in the in space and sending loving

kindness

think about it i'm not going to give you

an answer

you think about it first let it sink in

it's impossible to try to change

other people the best thing to do is

just send loving kindness and

oh

so you already knew the answer well that

was my i just wanted to

yes that was my idea

okay

anything else this is your last

chance okay

let's dear samaritan

may suffering once be suffering free and

the fear struck fearless

be may the grieving shed all grief

and may all beings find relief may all

beings share this merit that we've thus

acquired for the acquisition of all

kinds of happiness

may beings inhabiting space and earth

devas and nagas of mighty powers share

this merit of ours

may they long protect the buddha's

dispensation

you

so i'm going to give you the entire

assembly of the saw

thus as i heard on one occasion the

blessed one was living at sawatee and

jettas grove vanathan bendika's park

now on that occasion the venerable malia

paguna was associating

over much with bikunis

he was associating so much with

bhikkhunis

that if a bhikkhu spoke this praise

of those bikunis in his presence

he would become angry and displeased and

he would make a case of it

and if any bhikkhu

spoke this praise of the venerable malia

paguna

in those bhikkhuni's presence they would

become

angry and displeased and make a case of

it

so much was the venerable malaya pagoona

associating with bikunis

then a certain monk

went to the blessed one after paying

homage to him

sat down at one side and told the

blessed one

what was taking place

then the blessed one addressed a certain

monk thus

come monk tell the monk

malia paguna in

in the teachers in the name that

in my name that the teacher calls him

yes venerable sir he replied

and he went to the venerable malia

paguna

and told him the teacher called you

friend paguna

yes friend he replied

and he went to the blessed one after

paying homage to him

sat down at one side the blessed one

asked him paguna is it true that you're

associating over much with bikunis

that you're associating so much with the

bikunis

that if any bhikkhu speaks this praise

of those bikunis in your presence

you become angry and displeased and make

a case of it

and if any monk

speaks to pr this praise

and me of those bikunis

in those bikuni's presence they become

angry and displeased and make a case of

it

are you associating so much with bikunis

as it seems

yes venerable sir

paguna

are you not a clansmen who's gone forth

from

out of faith from the home life into

homelessness

yes venerable sir paguna it is not

proper for you

a klansman gone forth out of faith

from the home life into homelessness to

associate over much with bhikkhunis

therefore if anyone speaks displeasure

of those bikunis in your presence

you should abandon any desire and any

thoughts based on the household life

in other words let go of your attachment

stop hanging out with

bikuni so much

and herein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected and i shall

utter no evil words

i shall abide compassionate for his

welfare

with a mind of loving kindness without

inner hate

that is how you should train baguna

so what he's saying the buddha is saying

is

whoever is giving criticism

instead of getting angry with them and

becoming displeased

you should train by

sending loving and kind thoughts to that

person not by arguing with them

sounds like pretty good advice doesn't

it

if anyone gives those bikunis a blow

with his hand

with a clod with a stick or with a knife

in your presence

you should abandon any desires or

thoughts on the household life

fighting verbally with them

now if i were to see

a bikuni being struck by someone else

i would stand in between them and say

please don't do that

in other words not get in a

physical altercation but just get in the

way of somebody that's doing something

wrong

that's the job of the monks

and herein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected

and i shall utter no evil words

i shall abide compassionate for his

welfare with a mind of loving kindness

without inner

hate if anyone speaks this praise

in your presence you should abandon

any desire and any thoughts based on the

household life

in other words not

get angry say words that

later you wish you didn't say

do things later that you wish you didn't

do

and herein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected

and i shall utter no evil words i shall

abide compassionate for his welfare with

a mind of loving kindness without inner

hatred

in other words it's best not to say

anything and just radiate

loving-kindness to that person

so what's what's the big deal

they come up and somebody comes up at

you i don't care it can be your boss

it can be another person that you deal

with

daily they come up at you with their

anger

because of something

what is your job

radiate loving kindness to that person

don't pay attention to what they're

saying

it doesn't matter what they're saying

and they can be really ready for blows

but when you start radiating loving

kindness one of two things will happen

either they'll turn around and walk away

or they'll start calming down

it happens

people that are angry when you see them

really going at each other

you start radiating loving kindness to

both of them you know how much

they're suffering

so you start radiating loving kindness

to them

and when you do that it starts

changing the situation

before long they're not yelling at each

other so much anymore they're starting

to talk to each other and as you

continue

loving kind giving them loving kindness

you can see in their faces that all of a

sudden they start lightening up

and becoming happy and they

can even start laughing with each other

now this has happened more than one time

and what they do then

is they say well i've got to go do this

i've got to go do that

thanks bonte and then they leave

and i haven't said anything

i haven't tried to get them to stop

they feel that loving-kindness coming

towards them

and they can't hold on to that anger

then

or that dissatisfaction

so i'm teaching you

a skill that you can use

any time the trick is

to remember to do it

not get caught up in the emotional

nonsense and rubbish

if anyone should give you a blow with

his hand with a clod with a stick or

with a knife

you should abandon any desires and any

thoughts based on the household life

therein you should train thus

my mind will be unaffected and i shall

of

utter no evil words i shall abide

compassionate for his welfare

with a mind of loving kindness without

inner hate

that is how you should train

one time i was taking a a

flight somewhere i don't remember but i

do

remember that we stopped in hong kong

and i had to change planes

so i'm walking down the hallway and

this man comes up to me and slaps me in

the face

and i said why did you do that

he said oh you hurry krishna i hate

hare krishna they're always trying to

you're always trying to get something

from me

and i said well i'm a buddhist monk

and i'm not a hare krishna no

don't do that again please

and then he started settling down

and we started talking and he actually

wound up

buying me lunch

because i didn't give him a kind of

response of

anger is coming at me i'm going to turn

it around and give it back

i was completely shocked that he did it

why did you do that that was dumb

then the blessed one addressed the monks

thus

monks there was an occasion when the

monk satisfied my mind

here i addressed the monks thus

monks i eat at a single session

by doing so i'm free from illness and

affliction and

enjoy brightness strength and a

comfortable abiding

i said talking about when

when the buddha first started teaching

the monks could eat any time during the

day

and then uh they would eat an

evening meal and they would try to walk

back to the monastery

at night and they'd fall into holes and

cesspools

and bump into sleeping

cows and scare people

because they couldn't see so the buddha

said

don't eat an evening meal

and rather than the monks complaining

because that's the best meal of the day

they just said okay

so the buddha came up with some rules

about

when you could eat and when you can't

you can start eating a half an hour

before sunrise

up to high noon no

food the rest of the day

and so the monks actually

wind up fasting for about 16 hours a day

and it you get very nice and healthy

when you do that it's an

interesting phenomena that if i feel a

cold coming on

i take some vitamin c some

if i have vitamin d3 around i'll take a

bunch of those

lay down and rest

now you have a you have a window that's

about an hour

when you start feeling sore throat you

start

feeling achy if you start taking rest

then and taking your vitamin c's

a cold will last oh sometimes as much as

six hours

i learned this in burma because i was

staying in kind of a

dormitory situation where there was a

lot of monks in a small area

and i felt a cold coming on

and rather than get

up go into the meditation hall try to

power my through

my way through the cold

i just laid down and rest

every four hours i would take more

vitamin c

and by the end of the day i was ready to

continue on

but all of the other monks that did that

started to feel a cold coming on they

tried to power their way through it

and they wound up having a cold for at

least a week

so which is more skillful to do

so listen to your body

oh i've got to go to work no you don't

you've got to take care of yourself pay

attention to what your body is doing

i don't eat when i feel a cold coming on

i will not eat

all i do is drink water

and what happens in your body is the

enzymes that go

to digest food they start

wandering around your body in different

places and they start

eating away the cause of the cold

and sometimes

i'll feel okay but still tired

so i just keep lying down

taking rest not reading

not doing anything on a computer

not anything but rest

there was a cold that was coming through

one time that

it wasn't a cold it was some kind of

major flu

and i started feeling it coming on so

i just laid down and started taking rest

and didn't take any food

for three or four days

and kept just resting

after a while you get kind of stiff from

lying down so get up and sit in a chair

for a little while

then go back and lay down again

and this particular cold this was some

years ago

this particular kind of sickness

when people got it it lasted about six

weeks

after four days i didn't have it anymore

then i started eating a little bit of

rice soup things like that

and after the second day i was just

eating

normal meal and i didn't have it i

didn't have any kind of

problem at all

eating

can cause problems

oh i have to eat every day or i'm going

to die

when i was in australia

i was eating one meal a day just like i

do right now

although people are starting to give me

more things in the morning

at home i don't do those things i drink

a cup of coffee that's it

for my breakfast

anyway it got to be springtime

and i started going where the monks were

eating breakfast

and i started nibbling a little bit of

this and

nibbling a little bit of that

and after

a week or so i started catching a cold

i immediately stopped eating

took rest and from then on i only ate

one meal a day

and i was healthy

an awful lot of people have this idea if

i don't eat

food then i'm gonna i am gonna get sick

and it's just the opposite

so you need to pay attention to your

your body what your body says

not what your mind says your mind says

yeah i gotta eat or else i'm just not

gonna make it

that's how some monks show that they

don't they aren't attached to food

come monks eat at a single session

by doing so you will be free from

illness and affliction

and you will enjoy lightness strength

and a comfortable

abiding

and i had no need to keep on instructing

those

monks i only had to arouse mindfulness

in them

suppose there were a chariot on even

ground at a crossroads

harnessed to thoroughbreds wading with a

goat

lying ready

so that a skilled trainer a charioteer

or a horse tamer might mount it

taking the reins in his left hand and

the goat in his right hand

might drive out and back

at any road whatever he likes

so too i had no need

to keep instructing those monks

i only had to arouse mindfulness in them

therefore monks abandon what is

unwholesome and devote yourself

to wholesome states

for that is how you will come to growth

increase and fulfillment in this dhamma

and discipline suppose there was a big

salad tree grove

near a village or a town and it was

choked with castor oil weeds

and some men would appear

desiring its good welfare and protection

he would cut down and throw out the

crooked saplings

that robbed the sap he would clean up

the interior of the grove

and tend the straight well-formed

saplings

so that the sala tree grove later would

come to growth

increase and fulfillment

so too monks abandon

what is unwholesome devote yourself to

wholesome

states for that is how you will come to

growth

increase and fulfillment in this dhamma

and discipline

another thing about eating

that is rather important an

awful lot of people

when they eat they don't chew their food

very much

and they have a tendency to get sick

in uh another one of the

nikayas it talks about the way the

buddha ate his food

and it says that he didn't swallow his

food

till every grain of rice was chewed at

least once

so when you're eating your food

you want to eat and chew

until it turns liquid in your mouth

and then swallow it

by doing that you become much more

healthy

i had some friends that were doctors

and they would come and they would bring

food just wonderful

food and they would go to another table

and eat and within three minutes

they were done with their food now these

are doctors

and say why are you eating so fast

oh because we have to we've been trained

to eat fast

well i say train yourself to eat slow

and chew

your food doctors grow

they die younger than most other people

because they really don't take care of

their bodies very well

and people that are very fat

they put food in their mouth two

two or three times swallow so they have

these big

lumps that get in the stomach

and your body has their body has a hard

time digesting it

and they have all kinds of illnesses

and problems so

chewing your food

and eating at an

even rate

leads to your happiness and well-being

for a lot longer

period of time

formerly monks in the same sawat

in this same sawati there was

a housewife named vedica

and a good report of mistress vedica

with spread thus

mistress fedeca is gentle

mistress vedica is meek

mistress vedica is peaceful

now mistress mistress fedeca

had a maid named callie who was clever

nimble and neat in her work

the maid callie thought good report of

my lady has spread thus

mistress fedeca is gentle meek and

peaceful now

is it how is it now

well she does not show anger it is

nonetheless

actually present in her or is it absent

or else is it just because my my work is

neat and my lady shows no anger though

it actually is present in her

suppose i test my lady

so the maid callie got up late

when mistress fedeca said hey callie

what is it madam

what's the matter that you get up so

late

nothing is the matter madam

nothing is the matter you wicked girl

you get up so late

and she was angry and displeased and

scowled

then the the maid cali thought

the fact is while my lady does not show

anger it's actually present in her not

absent

and it's just because my work is neat

that my lady

shows no anger though it's actually

present in her not absent suppose

i test my lady a little more

so the maid cali got up later in the day

then mistress vedica said hey callie

what is it madam what's the matter that

you get up later in the day

nothing is the matter madam

nothing is a matter you wicked girl

yet you get up later in the day and she

was angry and displeased and she spoke

words of displeasure

then the maid cali thought

the fact is while my lady does not show

anger it's

actually present and her not absent

and it's because my work is neat that my

lady shows no anger though it's actually

present in her

not absent suppose i test my lady

a little more

so the maid cali got up still later in

the day

then the mistress fedeca said hey callie

what is it madam what's the matter with

you that you

get up still later in the day

nothing is a matter madam nothing is a

matter you wicked girl

yet you get up still later in the day

and she was angry and displeased and she

took a rolling pin

and gave her a blow on the head and cut

her head

then the maid callie with blood

flowing from a cut in her head denounced

her mistress

to the neighbors

see ladies the gentle ladies work

see ladies the meek ladies work

see ladies the peaceful ladies work

how can she become angry and displeased

with her only made for getting up late

how can she take a rolling pin and give

her a blow on the head and

cut her head

then later

a bad report of mistress fedeca spread

thus

mistress fedeca is rough

mistress fedeca is violent

mistress fedeca is merciless

so too monks some

monk is extremely gentle extremely

meek extremely peaceful so long as

disagreeable courses of speech do not

touch him

but it is when disagreeable

courses of speech touch him that it can

be

understood whether that monk is really

kind gentle and peaceful

i do not call a monk easy to admonish

who is easy to admonish and makes

himself

easy to admonish only

for the sake of getting robes alms food

resting place and medicines

why is that because that monk

is not easy to admonish or makes himself

easy to admonish when he gets no robes

alms food

resting place or medicinal requisites

when a monk is easy to admonish and

makes himself

easy to admonish because he

honors respects and reveres the dhamma

him i call easy to admonish

when i was in sri lanka there was a

a young salmonera he must have been 12

years old

and he was

basically getting into trouble about

every day

and they would tell him to stop doing

this or that

he he liked to tease the dog and make

him snap

and things like that and the dog started

getting mean

and they told him over and over again

don't do that

so the head monk comes to me and he said

i want you

to admonish this salmonera

and i said okay

so i called him into my room i didn't

say

anything to him but i i let the dog into

my room and i just started petting the

dog and

talking to the dog in a nice way

and he started feeling guilty for

treating the dog the way he had

and he stopped doing that

now admonishing someone else doesn't

necessarily

mean saying something to him

it means being the example

i could have gotten angry at him for

causing pain to some

some other being but i didn't

and then he started reading

let's call it layman magazines

where he would have lust or dislike come

up in his mind

and they found the books

and again they said well can you

admonish him

okay he came into the room

i just started radiating loving-kindness

and i didn't pay attention to him at all

and then after about a half an hour i

said okay

go away he stopped doing that

see how easy it is to correct other

people's mistakes

by your example

by radiating loving kindness

and after that he was he would follow me

around like a little puppy dog he really

liked being beside me

and talking to him and things like that

but i wouldn't do it if he was going to

act in a way that wasn't right

and it was real important for him

that i liked him so he would act

very kindly

now i was there for

a month

i had the head monk right back to me

after i left

and he said that he was amazed at how

good that little boy was behaving

and he asked me how i admonished him i

said

all i did really was showing

how to have loving kindness

and radiate loving kindness to him i was

radiating loving-kindness to the dog

when i was scratching the dog

and that's all he needed to get straight

he knew that that was a good thing

so why not carry

a lesson like that with you into your

daily activities

you don't have to speak harshly to other

people

you can be kind you can radiate

loving-kindness to them

oh but if i'm kind and loving they're

going to take advantage of me

no they don't

that's one of the big worries in asia

if i'm kind to somebody they're they're

going to take advantage and they're

always going to start demanding that you

be kind to them

it's easy to radiate loving kindness all

the time

that's what this suta is about

learning how to radiate loving kindness

so that you start affecting the world

around you

in a positive way

and there are some times

when you see somebody and

you just don't get a good feeling from

them

and you let your mind start to

think about oh you don't like that

person i don't want to be around that

person they're they're

loud they're boisterous

they're highly emotional

this is one of the things that happens

in

asia a lot of people that are

really suffering a lot

they come and spend time at the

monasteries

because they feel

good at the monasteries they feel like

people

love them and appreciate them at the

monasteries and their behavior starts to

change

so it's a real necessary part of the

spiritual practice

to share your loving kindness

with other beings as much as you can

remember to do that

while i was in malaysia

there were people that were going in the

hospital

with pretty major diseases

and they were getting close to death so

they would ask me to come

and see them at the hospital and after a

while there were so many people that

were asking me i was going about every

day

so i would

walk into the hospital walk to their

room

stop and remind myself

that whatever pain they have is

theirs i cannot

take their pain away from them

but i can love them so i started

radiating loving kindness as i was

walking in the room

and often people said you know every

time you come in the room it's like

fresh air coming in the room

because i wasn't trying to make them

better

all i was doing was loving them the way

they were

i would walk in the room and they would

be in extreme pain and they would be

moaning and groaning

and after a couple minutes

they started quieting down they started

feeling better

because i was radiating loving kindness

to them

their mind came up to where my mind was

i didn't walk in and go oh you poor dear

i feel so sorry for you

i didn't do that they have pain

okay it's theirs i can't take your pain

away

i can't your pain is your pain

but i can love you

and it was always so interesting going

in

and it looked like i wasn't doing

anything in particular

but they always felt better after i left

and i would say things that would make

them laugh

and they felt a lot better when they did

that

but i didn't try to make them healthy

i didn't try to make them happy

i didn't try to make them change so that

they would

all of a sudden get jump out of bed and

start doing cartwheels

all i did was love them and sometimes

they would get better and come out of

the hospital

and and live longer lives sometimes they

didn't sometimes they died

and that was okay

it had to be okay because that was the

truth

the worst thing that happens when

somebody is sick

is the feeling of helplessness

you feel like well there's nothing i can

do

so you go visit this sick person and you

come into the room and you see them

suffering and you start

oh i'm scared and you don't say anything

but you're putting off a feeling of

aversion

and then they go into the room and they

straighten a pillow and they close a

window or

open a window and then they go well i'll

see you later

and they leave and they feel very

inadequate

and sad that's a feeling of helplessness

you don't have to be helpless you can

help

just by radiating loving kindness to

that person

it helps them a lot

you can radiate loving kindness to the

family members that feel completely

helpless

you can talk to the family members about

just start giving love

do that as much as you can don't push it

don't force anything on the person but

love them that's enough

you don't feel helpless

they appreciate your coming

the thing that everybody wants

in life i don't care

who it is everybody wants to be loved

so do it

send them love

you can't give something to somebody

else that you don't have

so you have to give yourself some loving

kindness too

you have to bring up a feeling of loving

kindness

feel that loving kindness and then give

it away

that's the first part of meditation

practicing your generosity

ah the monks talking about generosity i

better

put my hand on my pocket because that's

my money pocket

the kind of generosity that i'm talking

about

is giving your

happiness to other people

giving your joy to other people

affect the world around you in a

positive way

i love to go into big stores

where we live

the about the only place we can get

food buy food is at walmart

i know it's a dirty word but there

that's the only place available so

that's where we go

and these

a mother will be there and the baby is

crying a lot

i want this i want that

so what i do is i go stand beside a cart

and i start radiating loving kindness to

that baby

and they stop they stop crying and they

look at me with this look of wonder

on their face and i smile to them

and then i say something to their to mom

who's been hassled because a baby's

crying so

much and i say something about them

being very good little children

and how lucky they are

and then i walk away

how did i affect the world around me

do you see how it works

practice that as much as you can

remember to practice it

this is not just a sitting practice this

is an all the time practice

the more you can remember to send love

and kind thoughts to other people

the easier life becomes and you start

seeing true miracles occur

there was a lady that

i was in the hospital

this boy came up to me and said my

mother just got out of an operation they

cut open her stomach and she has cancer

can you go see her so sure

why not so i went

and she was in the recovery room

and she was knocked out

and she had a mask and it was a clear

mask

over her mouth and she was getting

oxygen

so okay that's fine so i started

radiating loving kindness to her

now she was under anesthetic she

didn't really know that i was there i

didn't think

quite often students would come with me

to the hospital because they liked doing

that sort of thing

and being inspired and that sort of

thing

and my student came up and said

look at her i had my eyes closed i

wasn't really

doing anything but just radiating a

happy feeling

so i opened up my eyes and i looked down

at her

and she had this huge smile

she wasn't even conscious and she saw

the effect of that

this stuff works but

you have to practice it

and there's not one situation that

doesn't get

better when you practice loving guidance

that's why this says

that there's great benefit

and you become prosperous when you start

giving all the time

everything becomes easier

when you start trusting dhamma

dhamma will take care of you

i don't worry about things

things happen okay fine

they don't happen okay it'll happen

another way

uh

we have a treasurer at

uh damasuka that gets real concerned

when the money starts

getting low

and he he comes to me and he said we've

only got enough money to last

one more month and that's it

i don't okay fine

it's me worried i said

nothing to worry about and then somebody

the next day or two sends us five

thousand dollars

oh that's enough to keep going for

another few months

don't worry about it when you take care

of dhamma

dhamma takes care of you you don't

always get what you want

but you always get what you need

and it really does work that way

so the more you can practice your

generosity and giving kind speech

kind thoughts

kind actions

you will start to notice that everything

in your life is easier

you need something to happen you don't

know how it's going to happen

don't worry about it just keep giving

and all of a sudden miracles start

happening

it's pretty remarkable

we have a dining hall

very big and the library above the

dining hall

and

we had somebody that was building

that wasn't building the way we wanted

it built

and we wound up

having to let that person go and find

somebody else and we found the perfect

person that could fix all the stuff that

they screwed up

and made it the way we want it

and now that is a

very very beautiful building

and it has a lot of good feeling in it

because

that that builder

he took joy in doing things and

making things right

and he wound up building our meditation

hall

it's an incredibly beautiful place

it's really wonderful when you walk in

you really feel good

how did i build that

i don't have any money

money just started coming in

i pointed my mind in the direction we

need this

it doesn't happen as fast as we want

sometimes

but that doesn't matter

before too long we're going to be doing

a lot more building

for the women's section

for having a meeting hall

where the women can come and if they

want to be

nuns they can come and ordain

they'll have a place they'll have all

the food they need

all the requisites are there

but we don't have any money

why worry about it it'll come

when it's when it's time

so the less you worry about

things the more you spend

radiating loving-kindness and

giving it away the more you will start

to see

wonderful things happening in your life

there was a lady that came to me

and she said when her her father died

when she was 17 and she was supposed to

inherit

a huge amount of money

but her uncle took it

and she had hated him

well she was in her 40s so it was

a lot of years hated him for doing that

to her

so she said what am i supposed to do

with this

i'm so angry because he took something

that wasn't his

so i said well forgive him

he made a mistake okay he made a mistake

so what

so she did she forgave him in her mind

and she started feeling a lot lighter

and a lot happier

she got off retreat went home he called

her up

and asked her to forgive him

and she said i already did

now that's a miracle

holding on to unwholesome states

leads to your sadness and suffering

radiating loving kindness and kind

feelings

saying things that are kind to other

people and make them happy

think happy thoughts

that leads to your happiness and

well-being for a long time

that's what this teaching is all about

it's not about

getting something it's about

giving something

okay

monks there are five courses of speech

that others may use when they address

you

their speech may be timely or untimely

true or untrue gentle or

harsh connected with good or

with harm spoken with a mind of loving

kindness or with inner hatred

when others address you their speech may

be timely or untimely

when others address you their speech may

be true or untrue when others address

you their speech may be

gentle or harsh when others address you

their speech may be connected with good

or

with harm when others address you their

speech may be spoken with a mind of

loving kindness or with inner hate

you should train thus

our minds will remain unaffected and we

shall utter no

evil words we shall abide compassionate

for their welfare

with a mind of loving kindness

without inner hate we shall

abide pervading that person with a mind

imbued with loving kindness

and starting with him we shall abide

pervading the all-encompassing world

with a mind imbued with loving kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable without

hostility and without ill will

that is how you should train

sounds like pretty good advice to me

you know there's some people that get

really upset

because somebody says something they

know it's not true

oh you're lying to me and i get angry

what difference does it make honestly

what difference does it make

you can make yourself happy you can make

yourself sad it's up to you what you

choose

but everybody that you meet

and you speak with them you use

them as your reminder to send loving and

kind thoughts to them do you know them

maybe not complete stranger so

that's fine and use that person

as their reminder for the rest of the

time

to radiate loving kindness to all beings

in all the directions

i try to get you to smile

why because when you smile you have a

light mind

and it helps joy arise

when you have joy in your mind

your awareness is very quick

your mind is very clear it's not clouded

with nonsense and rubbish thoughts

and it's real easy to see when that joy

disappears and your mind starts to get

caught up in something

that's why smiling is such a necessary

part of the practice

it helps your mindfulness to get better

there was somebody in australia

that started writing to me and they said

i've been practicing

absorption concentration for seven years

i don't see any personality development

do you teach something different than

that i said yes

will you teach me yes

okay all you have to do

is when you're doing your breathing

meditation on the in-breath

relax on the out breath

relax if there's a distraction

let it be relax

smile and come back to the breath

and relax on me and breath and relax on

the out breath

but he'd been developing this for seven

years

and he would forget

and i kept telling him over and over the

same thing but he wasn't getting it

and i started getting

tired of doing that so i said okay

now i want you to change your meditation

because you have this old habit of

practicing in this way let's give you

something new and exciting that you have

to start all over again

loving-kindness meditation

he came back and he started saying well

my mind takes off all over the place i'm

going to go back to the breathing

at least i get happy when i'm doing that

no don't do that learn

about the hindrances and that sort of

thing and we went back and forth quite a

bit

and finally i got so fed up with him

that i told him i don't want you to sit

for a week

all i want you to do

is smile all day

and when you forget to smile

then laugh

and i didn't hear from him

and a week later he writes back and he

said i

took what you said very seriously

and this is what happened in my practice

i didn't sit in meditation at all

but i started smiling

and i started noticing that

always before when i was walking from

one place to another i was in this

mental haze

my head was down and i was just caught

up in nonsense stuff

when i started smiling my posture

changed and i started looking around

and i started smiling and

people actually smiled back

and he said they never did that before

and he said you know even when i didn't

feel like smiling i would smile anyway

and my mind was always better because i

was smiling

and he gave me a whole bunch of

different examples of

the advantage of smiling

and then i wrote to him

and i said have you noticed that your

mindfulness is a little different

and he said i didn't even know what

mindfulness was

and yeah now my mindfulness is very

sharp

and then he said something to me that

was rather a shock

he said the doctors saw me

and now i don't have to take so many

drugs

drugs but what are we talking about here

drugs he said well i'm in a mental

institute

i have this bipolar problem

and they they drug me out so heavy that

all i do

is just i'm a zombie

and now they're seeing me smile and

interact with other people and talk

with them and they thought that was a

good sign so they stopped giving me so

much drugs

when he went in to that

institute they told him he was going to

be there for the rest of his life

he practiced loving kindness meditation

and smiling for about six months and he

moved out

and he's on his own now he still goes

through

through his ups and downs

but he doesn't have to take so many

heavy drugs

now isn't that a miracle

i mean really

the more we can remember to keep

smiling and radiating loving-kindness to

other people no matter what they

say to us

the happier our mind becomes the happier

we become

the more we affect people around us

in a nice way

monks suppose a man came with a hoe

in a basket and said i shall make

this great earth be without earth

and he would dig here in there and

strewn the soil

here and there and spit here in there

and urinate here and there

saying be without earth be without earth

what do you think monks could that man

make this great earth be without earth

no venerable sir why is that

because this great great earth is

deep and immeasurable and it's not easy

to make it

be without earth eventually the man

would

reap weariness and disappointment

so too monks there are these five

courses of speech that others may

use when they address you their speech

may be timely or untimely true or

untrue gentle or harsh connected with

good or

with harm spoken with a mind of loving

kindness

or with inner hate when others address

you their speech may be timely or

untimely when others address you their

speech may be true or untrue

when others address you their speech may

be gentle or

harsh when others address you their

speech may be connected with good or

with harm

when others address you their speech may

be spoken with a mind of loving kindness

or with inner hate

wherein you should train thus

our mind will remain unaffected

and we shall utter no evil words

we shall abide compassionate for their

welfare with a mind of loving kindness

without inner hate

we shall abide pervading that person

with a mind imbued with loving kindness

and starting

with him we shall abide pervading the

all-encompassing world with a mind

imbued with loving-kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable without

hostility and ill will

that is how you should train

monks suppose a man came with crimson

tumeric indigo and carmen and said

i shall draw pictures and make pictures

appear

on empty space

what do you think monks would that man

draw pictures

and make pictures appear on empty space

no venerable sir why is that

because space is formless and

non-manifestive

it's not easy to draw pictures or make

pictures appear there eventually

that man would reap only weariness and

disappointment

so too monks there are these five

courses of speech

that others may use when they address

you

their speech may be timely or untimely

true or untrue gentle or harsh

connected with good or with harm

spoken with a mind of loving kindness or

with inner hate when others address you

their speech may be

timely or untimely when others address

you their speech may be true or

untrue when others address you their

speech may be

gentle or harsh when others address you

their speech may be connected with good

or with harm when others address you

their speech may be spoken with a mind

of loving kindness or

with inner hate

herein you should train thus

our minds will remain unaffected and we

shall utter no evil words

we shall abide compassionate for their

welfare with a mind of loving kindness

without inner hate and we shall abide

pervading that person with a mind imbued

with loving kindness

and starting with him we shall

abide pervading the all-encompassing

world

with a mind imbued with loving-kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable

without hostility and without ill will

that is how we should train

monks even if bandits

were to sever you sabot savagely

limb by limb with a two-handed saw

he who gave rise to one

thought moment of hatred towards them

would not be carrying out my teaching

that's fairly radical

you should train thus our minds will be

unaffected and we shall utter no evil

words

we shall abide compassionate for their

welfare with a mind of lovingkindness

without inner hate

we shall abide pervading them with a

mind imbued with lovingkindness and

starting with them

we shall abide pervading the

all-encompassing world with a mind

imbued with loving kindness

abundant exalted immeasurable

without hostility and without ill will

that is how you should train

monks if you keep this advice on the

simile of the saw

constantly in mind do you

see any course of speech trivial

or gross that you could not endure

no venerable sir therefore

monks you should keep this advice on the

simile of the saw

constantly in your mind

that will lead to your welfare and

happiness

for a long time

that's what the blessed one said the

monks were satisfied and delighted in

the blessed one's words

so this is the last day of the retreat

and a lot of people

ask me now what

i think that you should be sitting

for at least

45 minutes a day and if you can sit for

longer if you have time to sit longer

please do that

smile lots

wish other people happiness

lots

the whole of this talk has been about

what you can do to affect yourself

and others around you

so that's how you practice

do it often you see

your mind starts to get a little upset

about something start sending yourself

loving kindness

and use yourself as a reminder to start

sending other people loving kindness

this is not a sometime practice

this isn't all the time practice

one of the problems that a lot of zen

people

when they first came here to this

country they said meditation is sitting

that's it sit

don't say anything sit that's it

well they're missing out on three

quarters of what the practice actually

is

you practice your generosity as much as

you can

wishing other people happiness

and watch how much easier everything

becomes

when you do that you are taking care of

the dhamma

and because you take care of the dhamma

the dhamma does

take care of you

watch how it happens

okay now

do you have any questions last

questions yes

i don't know because i'm not there

i know that for jesus there were some

moments of doubt father why have you

forsaken me

that's not a wholesome thing

but he certainly seemed to not give

anger back

at least

who knows for sure unless you're there

and he could have been

using words that weren't very nice while

he was being tortured

who knows

but there is a story in the

in the tradica tales about the

bodhisattva

he was about a year and a half old

he was a prince

and his mother really

liked him a lot he was out she was

always playing with him and being with

him and

and one day the king walked in the room

and said something to the queen his

mother

and he didn't hear or she didn't hear

what he said

and he got angry so he called his

executioner

and he said in his mind he's thinking

you know what's going to happen is

this young boy is going to grow up and

he's going to get a little older and

then he's going to

absurd usurp me and and

i'm not going to be king anymore and i

don't want that to happen

and she he's going to have the support

of the mother

so when he called the executioner the

executioner comes

and the king says take off his hands

and when the bodhisattva now he's only a

year and a half

when he hears this he he sees this

as an opportunity to practice

loving-kindness to all the different

kinds of beings

loving kindness to somebody that he

dearly loved

loving kindness to himself loving

kindness to a neutral person

loving kindness to an enemy

so he started focusing on loving

kindness

as he had his hands chopped off

and the mother was completely shocked by

that

and she had his hands in her in her

lap and she was crying and

the bodhisatta didn't cry

when he had his hands cut off because he

was focusing on loving kindness

and it made the king that much more

angry

so he said lop off his feet

so the executioner cut off his feet

still didn't cry finally the king says

ah this is really a disgusting little

child

just cut off his head

and he did and

because he was focusing on loving

kindness

he was reborn in a devaloka in a happy

existence

and he didn't

entertain one thought of dissatisfaction

because

that was what was happening to him in

the moment

so he was the example of doing that in

one of his past lifetimes

at least one

okay

anybody else

so you don't have any questions that

means

everybody knows exactly what they're

doing

is this talk on your

website yes more than one time

can we get an email with the talk you

gave and where they correspond

we're gonna do better than that we're

putting it on youtube and you can

see it yeah there's already an online

retreat

playlist on youtube on the begin to see

channel it's all linked up on the front

page wow

and it's it it goes through all these

talks

and this talk is at the end and uh

you've got 38 you've got 20. i mean

you've got all the talks

they're right there just go right

through them

and you can do an online retreat

and still do your your business

daily activity kind of stuff

what we want you to do is a morning

service

when you get up and then sit for one

hour

then go to work now your

your job while you're at work is to

smile a lot

and practice your loving kindness and

then at lunch

time if you have some time

sit in meditation when you get

home you write to us

and tell us how your meditation is going

we have some comments back to you

then we tell you a suit to listen to

after that sit in meditation for at

least

another hour

these retreats are eight days eight days

long

eight days

they start on a friday night with an

introduction from you

to like whoever's teaching it okay

your background and then your day one

report is on

saturday and it runs until the following

sunday

so you can keep your practice going

pretty well

and it's really kind of a remarkable

thing how you continue to progress

just by doing the online retreat

we have prashant here tonight he says

today's for the day he did an online

retreat that's how he found out about us

and was introduced to the practice

so he came here and he sat an hour the

first time and then i said get off the

floor and get in the chair he sat two

hours

so he's doing you know he really

understands the practice

you really it's a good way to introduce

you to it and a lot of people

last year i don't remember david how

many i think it's like seven or eight

when they

came during the summer tv center after

they had done a retreat

during the year that's the idea

it's like to get you in touch or if

you're already practicing

to keep you in tune

and they're once a month

and if you want to join you have to sign

up

okay there's not going to be one in may

but there will be one in june

and then it will go to rest okay

whatever yeah

i would suggest that you go to the

website there's many

hundreds of talks that you can listen to

there's many hundreds of talks that that

are on youtube

and that can help you a lot and i have

to tell you

i listen to my own talks

and i get excited listening to them

and i keep wanting

do an online retreat with yourself

so anything else

i have a question about the analogy that

the buddha uses

for instance the dirt and drawing in the

air

and then he goes and gives the direction

to

of loving kindness i don't see the

connection

i didn't see the connection about the

impossibility of trying to draw

in the in space and sending loving

kindness

think about it i'm not going to give you

an answer

you think about it first let it sink in

it's impossible to try to change

other people the best thing to do is

just send loving kindness and

oh

so you already knew the answer well that

was my i just wanted to

yes that was my idea

okay

anything else this is your last

chance okay

let's dear samaritan

may suffering once be suffering free and

the fear struck fearless

be may the grieving shed all grief

and may all beings find relief may all

beings share this merit that we've thus

acquired for the acquisition of all

kinds of happiness

may beings inhabiting space and earth

devas and nagas of mighty powers share

this merit of ours

may they long protect the buddha's

dispensation

you