Forgiveness Meditation Talk - May 2012 - Audio Talk-xXkKZKcIkts.en.vtt.txt

From: https://youtube.com/watch?v=xXkKZKcIkts

Context: Throughout this transcript, Bhante Vimalaramsi is the speaker unless otherwise indicated.

when people are practicing

loving-kindness meditation and it's

suggested for them to start doing the

forgiveness meditation they have the

idea that it's a different kind of

meditation completely loving-kindness

meditation is a part of our forgiveness

is a part of loving-kindness it is

probably the most powerful meditation

that I know of it can clear blocks when

you have attachments you have dislikes

towards different things that happen to

urine in your past life it can dissolve

those but you have to be patient when

you're practicing forgiveness meditation

the way you start practicing forgiveness

meditation is by forgiving yourself now

there's different kinds of statements

that you can use for this but you just

pick one statement and stay with it for

a period of time I forgive myself for

not understanding now everybody has

misunderstandings that happen in their

life so you repeat I forgive myself for

not understanding after you've done that

then you go to the radiation in your

heart and radiate loving kindness to

yourself excuse me

when that feeling fades away then you

come back and you forgive yourself for

not understanding again while you're

doing this your mind is going to have

some resistance to it your mind is going

to take off and say wow this is stupid I

shouldn't be doing this there's other

things that I need to forgive all of

those are part of your little

attachments so you stay with it I don't

need to do this anymore this meditation

doesn't work every thought that pulls

you away from forgiving yourself for not

understanding is an attachment and has

to be let go of this is where you use

the six R's you recognize that your mind

is distracted you release the

distraction you relax it you smile you

come back to making the statement and

stay with the statement as long as you

can it doesn't matter how many times

your mind gets distracted let it be

relax smile come back

a mistake that an awful lot of people

make is they say well meditation is just

for sitting and that is a definite

mistake you want to realize that you

have attachments in your life and just

because you're not sitting doesn't mean

those attachments aren't there the whole

point of doing the forgiveness

meditation is for personality

development it's for letting go of old

habitual sufferings and developing a

mind that has equanimity in it so the

more resistance your mind has to doing

that the more you really need to do it

because that is your mind showing you

where your attachment is and that is a

cause of suffering this meditation works

better than anything that I know of

for letting go of attachments letting go

of old hard feelings letting go of the

way you think the world is supposed to

be so you can start accepting the way

the world actually is well I don't like

that I don't like the way they said this

or that who doesn't like it who is

judging and condemning who is making up

a story who is caught by their

attachment well I am somebody can say

something very innocently and you hear

it through your attachment and it's

negative so we have to learn how to be

aware of what is happening all the time

in our daily lives when you get done

sitting in your meditation for 45

minutes an hour however long you're

doing it and you start walking around

what does your mind do takes off just

like it always does

Thanks about this thanks about that just

nonsense thoughts and you think those

thoughts and those feelings that arise

are yours personally and they're just

random things if you feed any kind of a

thought or feeling with your attention

you make it get bigger and more intense

when you realize that you're you're

causing your own suffering you have to

forgive yourself for doing that

and this means mentally saying I forgive

myself for not understanding I forgive

myself completely and your minds gonna

take off and oh this is stupid this is

nothing it that this isn't real this

isn't what's actually happening I don't

want to do this well every one of those

thoughts is an attachment isn't it every

one of those thoughts has craving in it

doesn't it every one of those thoughts

is causing you suffering isn't it so you

have to recognize that you're doing this

to yourself

let go of those thoughts that's just

nonsense stuff anyway it doesn't have

anything to do with where you are and

what you're doing right now you forgive

yourself for not understanding

causing yourself pain for causing other

people pain you forgive now when you're

walking from here to there what are you

doing with your mind

oh I'm thinking about this and I got to

do that and I have to go talk to this

person and I have to do this oh that's

nonsense it doesn't mean that you can't

plan what you need to do you can but

just do it one time after you've made up

your mind this is what the plan is you

don't need to think about it anymore

all of that is just part of your old

habitual tendency of thinking your

thoughts and feelings and taking them

personally and causing yourself

suffering your daily activity with

forgiveness is by far the most important

you forgive yourself continually for not

understanding for getting caught up in

this or that for taking things

personally well I don't like the way you

said that well who doesn't like what

well you said something that's hurtful

to who see you're taking all of this

stuff personally and it's not personal

it's just stuff that happens forgive it

now even when you're walking along a

road and you happen to kick a rock and

it hurts forgive the pain for being

there you keep your mind

forgiving all the time that's what a

forgiveness retreat is all about it's

not just when I'm sitting this is a life

practice this is an all the time

practice

and if you want to really begin to

change you have to be willing to go

through the forgiveness because it'll

help you change a lot you have to have

patience if you are continually thinking

this and that and judging this and

condemning that you are continually

causing yourself suffering don't need to

do that you want to argue with other

people about your attachments what's the

point when you really start program

practicing forgiveness of yourself or

forgiveness of another person your mind

starts to get in balance your mind

develops equanimity so you don't take

thoughts and feelings and sensations and

all this other stuff personally you're

seeing it for what it is and allowing it

to be there it's not worth going over it

in your mind and over it and over it and

over it it's not worth it it's a waste

of time it's a waste of effort

every time you have a repeat thought you

are attached you were identifying with

that thought and you're taking it

personally and that is again the cause

of suffering and you can't blame anybody

else for it it

yours you are doing it to yourself well

they said this so what they can have

their opinion that doesn't mean I have

to listen to him I don't have to take it

in personally and analyze whether it's

correct or not as it doesn't matter the

more you forgive in your daily life and

daily activities the easier it is to

forgive the big things that have

happened in the past now while you're

doing your forgiveness meditation while

you're sitting you're staying with one

of the suggested statements you stay

with that one until you feel like yes I

really do forgive myself for not

understanding it can take a while it's

not just a do it one sitting and okay

now I'm done I've already done that now

that's not where you're gonna get real

change we still have your attachments

there you still have to continually

forgive yourself for not understanding

forgiving yourself for making a mistake

that's what not understanding is about

forgive yourself for judging for

condemning for analyzing for thinking

forgive everything all of the time when

I started doing the forgiveness

meditation which I did personally for

myself for two years because I wanted to

make sure I really understood the

meditation I went through major changes

major changes major personality changes

and if you want that for yourself you

have to have that kind of patience this

idea well I've already forgiven this

person or that person and then you find

out later that you're talking about how

you didn't like this or that

from them guess who hasn't finished

their forgiveness meditation how when

you start to go deeper in your

meditation and you stay with the

forgiveness and you you forgive yourself

for making a mistakes there can be a

time when somebody comes up into your

mind that you need to forgive you don't

ask it to come up you don't say well I

need this person to forgive they will

come up by themselves as soon as that

person comes up then you start forgiving

them for not understanding okay

it doesn't matter what they did in the

past all of your thoughts all of your

opinions of what they did in the past

just keeps bringing more and more

suffering up to you because of your

attachment I didn't like that I didn't

want that to happen they're a dirty no

no good so-and-so because they did that

to me well guess where the attachment is

guess where the idea that I can blame

somebody else for my suffering the only

person you can blame for your suffering

is yourself because you're the one that

took it personally you're the one that

had an opinion

about it you're the one that used your

habitual tendencies over and over again

to justify why I'm right and they're

wrong well that's how we caused our own

suffering the forgiveness meditation

helps you let go of that that opinion

that idea that attachment now when you

see somebody else come up into your mind

that I really had a rough time with you

didn't like it you started hating that

person for whatever reason look them

straight in your in their eye with your

mind's eye and tell them sincerely I

forgive you for not understanding the

situation I forgive you for causing me

pain

I forgive you completely then you keep

that person in your heart and your

radiate loving kindness to them your

mind has a distraction pulls you away

from that no I don't that no-good

so-and-so you let go of that with a six

arse now you come back I do forgive you

it has to be sincere why I'm not gonna

forgive that dirty no-good so-and-so why

not because they caused me suffering

whoops

who caused who suffering you caused your

own self suffering because you took it

personally and you reinforce that with a

lot of thoughts and opinions and ideas

about why that was wrong in other words

you were caught

in your craving your king clinging your

habitual tendency and that leads to more

and more dissatisfaction aversion and

pain so it's real important to realize

that this is not an easy practice it's

hard to forgive someone like of a woman

that has been raped it's hard to forgive

the person that raped them because

they've been violated but holding on to

their hatred of that person is keeping

them attached it doesn't matter what the

action was it doesn't matter what

happened in the past what matters is

what you're doing with what you have

right now so you keep forgiving and you

keep forgiving and you look I'm straight

in the eye in your mind's eye and you

say I really do forgive you and your

mind says no I don't and you let that go

in six are and come back and you say I

really do forgive you and you take that

person and put them in your heart and

radiate loving kindness to them how long

do you have to do that as long as it

takes some attachments one or two

sittings is all you need some

attachments might be a week might be two

weeks who knows it doesn't matter it's

when you let go of the hatred of them

you will feel a very very strong sense

of relief and then anytime you think of

them you kind of think of them with a

mind that says well they really they

made a mistake

they didn't know what they were doing

it's okay now that's how you let go of

an attachment that's how you let go of

the pain of that past situation that

doesn't mean that the woman is that's

raped is going to go up and hug the

person that raped them after that they

would avoid them because they they had

know that there's a possibility of

physical damage but they don't hate them

anymore

and that's what the forgiveness is all

about letting go of old dissatisfactions

dislikes developing a mind that says

well it's okay you can be like that not

taking it personally the biggest part of

the forgiveness meditation is learning

how to let go of your opinions ideas

concepts stories

so you might stay with that person for a

long period of time every time you do

any walking or sitting meditation you're

just forgiving them over and over again

and your mind gets bored with it and

says I don't want to do this anymore

well that's another kind of attachment

isn't it so what do you do with that you

have to go through it forgive the

boredom for being there it's okay

your mind is tricky it's going to try to

distract you in any way it can it'll

bring up all kinds of feelings and

thoughts and ideas to distract you

because it doesn't like the idea of

giving up attachments your mind really

feels comfortable holding on to

attachments but the whole point of

Buddhism is learning how to change

learning how to let go of those old

nonsense ideas and thoughts and develop

new ideas and thoughts that make you

happy and make other people around you

happy that's the whole point of keeping

your precepts makes you happy makes

other people around you happy so the

more you can continually forgive that

other person the softer your mind

becomes towards that person and then

after a while you go really I do really

forgive you and there's there's there's

no energy behind it it's just yeah this

happened it's in the past it's no big

deal

see this is what forgiveness is about

and how does that affect you near the

rest of your daily life well you're more

open you're more accepting you're not

judging you're not condemning you're not

disliking because you're you see that

tightness of mind start to come up in

you and you go oops I forgive myself for

not understanding this one now a thing

that is one of the hardest things that I

have to do is teach people that life is

supposed to be fun it's a game keep it

light

if you play with your mind and your

attachments that means you're not being

attached to them so much when you play

with them you're not taking them

seriously when you don't take them

seriously they're easy to let go of

that's what the Buddha was teaching us

how to have an uplifted mind all the

time how to be able to be light with

your thoughts and your feelings and your

ideas and your past actions well you

made a mistake okay welcome to the human

race I don't know of anybody that hasn't

made a mistake in the past and they

don't feel guilty about they do and that

guilty feeling is what non forgiveness

that your mind grabbing on to it and

saying I really screwed up and I need to

punish myself for that

that's your mind saying that so what can

we do about it

the more you become serious with your

daily life the more attachments you have

the less equanimity the less mental

balance you have in your life you're on

these rollercoasters emotional roller

coasters up and down up and down up and

down when you start forgiving more and

more those high highs and low lows start

to turn into little waves you still have

some but you don't get caught for Islam

and if you say well it's just isn't that

important to get it upset about after

you forgive that person you stay with

them you stay with that person that's

come up into your mind until you feel

like enough I don't need to do this

anymore I really have forgiven them then

you're looking them in the eye in your

mind's eye and you stop verbalizing and

you hear them say back to you I forgive

you too so you you have this feeling of

being forgiven as well as forgiving you

forgiving yourself for making mistakes

for not understanding you've forgiven

that other person for making mistakes

for not understanding or causing pain

whatever you want to the statement that

really makes makes it true for you and

then you hear them say I forgive you

then you get a real sense of relief

what happens in your mind joy comes up

in your mind you feel like you feel

really happy happier than you've ever

felt before you didn't you didn't

realize that you were carrying these big

bundles of rocks on your shoulders

before holding you down and when you

forgive they disappear you feel like oh

man this really is great stuff but it

takes a lot of work it's not easy why

isn't it easy because of the amount of

attachment we have you keep doing this

meditation when you get done with one

person

you go back to yourself I forgive myself

for making mistakes I forgive myself for

not understanding and you stay with

yourself until somebody else cups up

into your mind and you keep doing that

until your mind says okay you've done it

everything's good enough then you can

switch back to your met to practice the

formal Metta practice because the

forgiveness meditation is definitely

part of loving-kindness how can you

really practice loving-kindness if you

have hatreds this helps let go of those

hatreds there's no simple easy fast food

fix depending on you and your

attachments and how attached you are to

the idea that this person wronged me era

died I screwed up so bad I can never

forgive myself until you can finally go

through that and you will know when

you've gone through it that this

really works you'll know there won't be

you don't have to have anybody tell you

that it works now when you're walking

from one place to another I don't care

what you're doing

forgive everything any kind of

distraction that comes up forgive it any

kind of or any person that comes up and

they start talking and you don't want to

talk forgive them they don't understand

they don't understand what you're doing

and it's okay that they don't understand

that's the thing that you have to

understand it's okay

that they don't really know where you

are what you're doing they can judge you

they can condemn you they can try to

cause all kinds of distraction and

that's fine they can do that but you can

forgive them for it and when you forgive

them you're letting go of your

attachment to the way I think things are

supposed to be see not understanding is

really a big thing because we don't

understand so much because we have our

own opinions and ideas of the way things

are supposed to work but when it doesn't

match my idea of the way things are

supposed to work what happens you're

fighting with reality you're not

accepting the reality that's there right

in front of you and you're judging and

condemning and most office blaming

somebody else for disturbing my practice

well I'm sorry they're not disturbing

your practice they are a part of your

practice there's no such a thing as

something else or someone else

disturbing my practice it's only me

fighting with the reality of the present

moment not liking this or that and then

blaming somebody else or something else

for the cause of that that's why I go to

retreats where people have been

practicing one pointed concentration and

they get so upset if there's even a

squeak of the door or you walk a little

bit too heavily right by them oh you

disturb my practice do you see how

ridiculous that is the present moment

says there's going to be noise and there

is noise and then that mind comes up

says I don't like this that's not the

way it's supposed to be I want to

complain to somebody and make them stop

so my mind can be peaceful how crazy is

that if you can't accept what's

happening in the present moment with

balance of mine

okay there's noise there's somebody

talking so doesn't matter as long as you

have equanimity in your mind when you

have this balance in your mind there's

noise yeah I had a three-month retreat

with a water well pump are they were

they were drilling for water right

outside the meditation hall three months

of an old clanky

motor running from 8 o'clock in the

morning till 6 o'clock at night and it

was continuous it was really loud and

really annoying but it was just sound

that's all it is it's not my sound

it's my dislike of the sound isn't going

to change that sound my criticizing of

the person that started the motor isn't

going to make that sound any different

see where all of the attachments are

accepting the fact these things are

there it's ok for them to be there it

has to be ok because that's what's in

the present moment

forgive the disturbance continually in

your mind forgive wanting things to be

more perfect than they are I forgive

myself for making mistakes I forgive

myself for being angry disliking this or

that the forgiveness is not just one

statement it can be many but when you're

doing your sitting practice you just

want to take one at a time

just stay with one one statement of

forgiveness it's not a mantra you don't

surface say this and think about

something else it has to be sincere I

really do forgive myself for making

mistakes or for not understanding or

whatever the thing is so the more you

can continually forgive with your daily

activities with

you're sitting with your walking

meditation whatever you happen to be

doing you need to realize that this is

what meditation really is about it's not

about gaining some superhuman state of

mind it's about learning how you cause

your own self suffering and how to let

go of that suffering these superhuman

States will come up by themselves you

don't have to do anything with them

but the more you clear yourself the more

you clear your mind of judgements

opinions concepts ideas and the more you

accept what's happening in the present

moment the more joyful life becomes the

easier life becomes well I have this

habit of always analyzing and thinking

okay let it go what I've been doing in

my whole life

so change forgive yourself for not

understanding forgive yourself for doing

it there's a strong attachment to

wanting to analyze that's a Western

disease I want to know how everything

works you don't learn how things work by

thinking about them you've you let go

and you see how things work when you

forgive and let go and that leaves a

space in your mind to observe how things

work thinking mind analyzing mind is

incredibly slow the aware mind is

incredibly fast it's extraordinarily

but you can't get the words in the way

and you can't have opinions in the way

because that stops you from seeing the

way things truly are so your forgiveness

meditation is more than just well little

Johnny when I was five years old beat me

up and I've hated him every sense it's

about you and your attachments and how

you hold onto that attachment and how

you cause yourself pain because of that

attachment especially these days people

are really big on blaming everybody but

themselves for their pain and is that

working with reality or not it's easy to

say you caused me pain I don't like you

but today or just that I say something

and you had another kind of an opinion

and judged and condemned whatever I said

and then your aversion came in and your

dislike of the whole situation and now

you're off to the races in you're a

thousand miles away but I'm only

thinking and analyzing you're attached

you're causing yourself pain and you're

running into your thinking hoping that

this attachment won't hurt so much if I

keep distracted these opinions I can

keep my opinions and my ideas and the

way things are supposed to be and then I

don't have to change but Buddhism is

about change Buddhism is about realizing

that you need to have a balanced mind

that doesn't have high emotions in it

that doesn't have attachments in it it

Buddhism is about having balance and

seeing the way things truly are and

seeing how you are the cause of your own

pain and using the six RS using the

forgiveness meditation is the thing that

will help you to become free